Sunday, February 3, 2013

A Start of Something New

3 comments, Posted by john stan at 2:37 PM ,
Siguro I will just start with, "You wouldn't believe what happened last night!" - A Twitter Update

After a night-out with some friends, I was seriously considering going to this (in)famous bar in Ortigas. Perhaps, it was due to increased self-restraint that I finally decided not to and instead, after less than 20 minutes, I found myself sitting inside the car with you Jason, my ex-boyfriend.

It has been more than six months since we last saw each other. I perfectly remember the scene at the parking lot - our break-up episode, so to speak. There were no more words nor explanations, no more questions and no more turning back on my part. There were a lot of tears. 

A final kiss, a final embrace.

But last night was different. The animosity between us is gone. True, it was a bit awkward talking about some things from our past but I guess, in order to fully heal our wounds, we have to once more go down the road less traveled, admit our mistakes and learn from our experiences.

I find it amusing that you want me to vent out my supposed anger at you when in fact there was none. Or at least none anymore.

There was only acceptance - a fact of life learned - of the truth that we do not need to be together to love each other. Like I said, you will always have a special place in my heart and that at one point in time, you were the love of my life.

Sabi mo, we are not defined by our past and I agree with you. We are defined by our decisions. Good or bad, for better or for worse, what matters is that we have the courage to stand up for it.

In doing so, we both came out of this as better individuals.

And for that alone, I want to say thank you.

Monday, November 19, 2012

it was perfect

1 comments, Posted by john stan at 11:59 AM ,
I was driving home last night when this song blared through Zoom's speakers.

My idea of a perfect Christmas
Is to spend it with you
In a party or dinner for two
Anywhere would do

Celebrating the yuletide season
Always lights up our lives
Simple pleasures are made special too
When they're shared with you

O e di ako na ang nag-emo bigla.

I suddenly remembered Christmas of 2011. Yeah, we were together having dinner at this simple restaurant overlooking the city.

It was, indeed, perfect while it lasted.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

what happens next

10 comments, Posted by john stan at 9:33 AM ,
Today would have been our third anniversary.

And while we have been apart for more than three months already, I can't help but stop for a while and reminisce the love we shared in the past and, probably, think about the "what could have beens" of the future.
I must admit, forgiving you was no mean feat. For I have been true to you - I have shown you the best and worst of me - hoping that by being honest, loyal and true, we will be together until the best and worst of times pass us by. I loved you deeply, perhaps the deepest I have loved.
But I guess that is not enough. And that forever is only wishful thinking.
I remember the broken promises.
I remember the unexplainable situations. And how the simple truth uncovered the unexplained.
Perhaps, I was just too blind to see. Or too blind to accept what's in front of me all along.
Trust, maybe? Or was it fear?
Then again, the answer is not important anymore. Because when I decided to end our relationship, I also decided that there was no more turning back.
Pride? It could be.
After all, I was very much willing to face the consequences of my decision. Come what may.
Yes, there are nights I cry myself to sleep.
But I wake up in the morning loving myself more and more.
So here I am writing this entry today, on what could have been our third anniversary. I could have been in a very difficult situation like before. But I chose to be in the right path.
I chose to be the better person.
And I guess, it's time to ponder again.
What happens next?

Friday, July 27, 2012


7 comments, Posted by john stan at 7:50 PM ,
"Pwede ba kitang mayakap?", tanong mo na may halong alinlangan.

Halos madurog ang puso ko ng yakapin kita at magsimula kang humagulgol. Ilang sandali pa ay hindi ko na rin napigilan ang masaganang pagdaloy ng luha sa aking mga mata.

At doon sa maliit na espasyong nagkukubli ng ating mga kahinaan, ibinuhos natin ang nilalaman ng ating mga damdamin. Walang mga salita pero sapat na ang katahimikan para maunawaan natin ang isa't isa.

Mahal na mahal kita pero higit pa rito ang sakit na idinulot mo. Mapapatawad kita pero ang lahat ng bagay ay magpapaalala sa akin ng tatlong taong puno ng kasinungalingan. Hindi madaling kalimutan ang nakaraan pero kakayanin ko, para sa ikatatahimik nating dalawa.

Jason, marahil sa mga oras na 'to ay binabasa mo ang mensahe kong ito. Nawa'y makita mo ang kaligayahang hindi ko naibigay sa 'yo.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

On my mind, inside the bus, one rainy afternoon

5 comments, Posted by john stan at 3:26 PM ,
Baguio is such a nice and romantic place... to get your heart broken.


Karma is really such a bitch. Imagine making me suffer for almost three years.


I don't know what is true anymore. It seems every memory is tarnished already.


Funny. I know I can move on from this but I don't know where to start.


What's even more funny is that I actually cried.


Is he worthy of another chance?


It was not a perfect relationship but it works for us. Or so i thought.


Too much thinking. Sakit sa ulo!