Thursday, December 18, 2008

fast lane

i am not escaping but i just had to get out. i am at a crossroad but i don't know where to go. i need to think, i need to breath, i need a moment of solitude. and there, standing at the top of the hill, i experienced a rewind.

***

of all the stories in the world, love, probably, has the most predictable ending. for in its finale, there are only two, the heartbreaking "goodbye" and the elusive "happily ever after".

i first learned about it seven years ago. no, its not me. a friend knocked me with it, freaked me out at first. but stupidity took over; i gave in; lasted for eleven days. and the first goodbye was said.

not long after came another one. she was a challenge, some beauty queen whom others are treating with high regard. she enjoyed every minute of fame but she fell in my hands. we enjoyed each other's company and yet my friends were against her. another sad ending for we are over three days before our first month.

shine, hmmm, how can i forget? the first one i brought home; the first one whose family i dared to meet. i had plans for us but apparently, fate demands otherwise. two years of hide and seek and then it was goodbye.

then i met you. i never gave you much thought really but fate again intervened; i fell. we love each other, yes, that much is clear. words may not be said all the time but the actions more than compensate for each unvoiced feeling. sad, it was love that was not meant to be. i hoped to enjoy every minute of it, you never gave me the chance.

and so i played. i never meant to hurt others but that seemed to be the consequence of my actions. who said they can fall in love with me? that was not part of the deal.

but one set apart from the pack, loved me more than anybody else. i tried again but failed. you kept me bound by your lingering memory. heart and mind was fighting, conscience won. so what we have, i ended. for it is not fair that i can't return the love i receive.

and i said goodbye to you, too. we talked. but unlike how we usually talk before, this time it was on my terms. no questions asked, no accusations hurled, no explanations given. everything was just meant to say goodbye and to thank you for being a part of my life.

i grew up, that much i realized. mistakes were made, hearts were broken, all in the name of love. how fast everything has been, indeed. so fast that everyday is still a fresh memory, the faces, the smiles, even the tears.

and i decided to stop the hunt. the predator has stopped looking for his prey. but to give up i won't do, for i know that someday, sometime, in a crossroad somewhere, our paths are destined to meet.

i have had my fair share of goodbyes. regret, i don't have any. i guess that was the unvoiced rule. make your mistakes but learn from them. grieve for being hurt, that's what humans do. but don't dwell in every sad experience. roll with pain but bounce back.

the "happily ever after" is still elusive. but the book is not yet finished, a lot of chapters still remain to be written. i hope to make each one of them more meaningful, to make every page create its own world; a world that reflects my passion, a world that reflects how much i have grown.

i am christian and this is my moulin rouge. i am jack and this is my titanic. i am noah and this is my notebook. i am oliver barrett iv and this is my love story.


***

i saw a mixture of emotions slowly drifting away in the wind leaving my mind clear, never to wander again.

5 comments:

  1. the way to happily ever after is so long and rough....

    but as they say, its all worth it...

    if we cant have ever after, at least enjoy "a now"...who knows..who knows...

    ReplyDelete
  2. guys, what do you think of the photo? i took that one myself. fishing for comments here.

    @the geek: i agree, let's enjoy a now, and a later, and more later, and more later ;)

    @mr. scheez: thanks, first time that somebody thought my writing was profound.

    @dabo: was that a smile or a smirk? at one point, i thought it was a sigh :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. it made me smile pare.. cheers!

    ReplyDelete