Thursday, December 4, 2008

pagkamulat

bago ko pa man binuksan ang blog na ito ay marami-rami na rin akong naisulat. ang entry na ito ay bunga ng isang ala-ala na matagal din bago ko nagawang talikuran, kalimutan, at pulutan ng aral.


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april 28

sa friendster kami unang nagkakilala. yes, i know what you're thinking, its not the best place to meet someone you'd expect to share a wonderful relationship with. i never expected it too, never given much thought about it. at least, not yet during that one fateful day in december of 2006.

we started burning hours at yahoo messenger. basta may pagkakataon din lang, chat ang pampalipas namin ng oras. apart from that, we're talking every night over the phone. probably, what kept the conversations going is the fact that we understood each other. both of us knew when to listen.

hanggang sa naging kami na nga. ironic ang sitwasyon sapagkat hindi pa kami nagkikita ng personal. sa baguio siya nakatira at nagtratrabaho. ako naman ay nandito. i'm already working full time. siya rin but aside from that, patapos na siya ng kanyang law degree.

just like any normal couple, nagtatalo rin kami sa ilang mga bagay. nakakatawa nga minsan. imagine you're fighting with someone you haven't seen yet. pero talaga sigurong ganun. we even reached a point of calling it quits. and that was the first time i cried.

abril na nun 'nung lumuwas siya ng manila to take up review classes at up. i was supposed to go to baguio para puntahan siya pero siya na rin ang nagsabi sa akin na bababa siya. and the first ever meeting was set.

memorable yun para sakin. hindi lang dahil pinili niyang dun kami magkita sa harap ng sss building sa east avenue, kundi dahil noon ko nasigurado sa sarili ko na mahal ko siya talaga. and that first meeting paved the way for our eventual reconciliation. it was my birthday last year nang binigyan niya ko ng necklace at teddy bear - not really the gifts i was expecting (sa totoo lang, hindi naman talaga ko nag-expect) but much, much appreciated.

we only see each other once a week kaya markado sa kalendaryo ko ang lahat ng araw ng linggo. ayos lang naman yun dahil bar examinations niya ang priority namin. i was also quite busy back then because i was preparing for my trip abroad come september.

at ang minsang pagkikita ay lalo na ngang dumalang. even the messages and the calls sometimes failed. yet, i knew for a fact that what i'm feeling for this person is still the same.

i never really knew what went wrong. humingi siya sakin ng space and knowing how crucial the time is, binigay ko yun sa kanya. after that, bihira na lang kaming magkita.

ilang araw bago dumating ang birthday niya nung september nang inaya ko siyang lumabas. i did it mainly to say goodbye because i'm leaving in a few days. alam ko ring hindi na kami magkikita dahil bar exams season na. dalawang bagay ang binigay ko sa kanya nun. yung una ay isang relo bilang regalo sa birthday niya.

pangalawa ay isang pangako na sa aking pagbabalik ay itutuwid ko ang mga maling nangyari. subalit hindi niya alam ang pangakong yun. hindi ako nagkaroon ng lakas ng loob na sabihin 'yun sa kanya.

matagal-tagal din akong nawala sa pilipinas nun. and yet i tried all possible ways to communicate - sms, instant messages, calls, e-mails, i did it all. pero siguro nga ay hanggang dun na lang kami.

nakabalik na siya ng baguio when i returned to the philippines. nagpalipas lang ako ng oras hoping na mawawala kung anuman yung nararamdaman ko. i let myself be absorbed to my work. i also went out with others, got into not-so-serious relationships, played with my heart.

i took so many roads and yet all of them led to one point - mahal ko pa rin siya. big reason kung bakit ako umakyat ng baguio last march.

pero siguro nga ay doon na nagtapos ang lahat. i already lost the first person that i really, truly loved. as much as i want to continue where we left off, things already changed.

we talked over the phone last night. pumunta siya ng manila ngayong araw na ito. dahil kaninang alas-2 ng hapon, nanumpa na siya bilang isang ganap na abogado.


***

i did not mean to be emotional; its not my fault; its raining...

6 comments:

  1. one way or the other, we have to lose someone...

    even the one/s we love the most...

    ReplyDelete
  2. awww....

    somehow nakarelate naman daw ako bigtime...

    una, mahirap talaga ang relasyon na nag ugat online.

    ikalawa, mahirap din ang long distance relationship.

    ikatlo, law student siya at may trabaho ka... hidni naman kayo busy masyado?!

    pang apat at pinakamahirap sa lahat, kapag mas labis kang nagmahal kesa sa isa...

    sorry, its raining here on my place as well... hehehe

    ReplyDelete
  3. Having a cyber relationship it risky. Very risky. Yet we chose to pursue it anyway. Marami ang dumaan sa ganitong sitwasyon - ganito rin ako dati. Pero nalampasan ko na ito. At sana ganon ka rin =)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Nakakalungkot ang iyong kwento dude.

    ReplyDelete
  5. @the geek: sad fact but as the french says, "ces't la vie".

    @wanderingcommuter: against all odds ang drama namin that time, hehehe. kaya lang the odds won.

    @mr. scheez: for that matter, having a relationship, not only the cyber type, is risky. it depends on us if we want to take the risks. and thanks, i got over it. matatawa ka pre 'pag nalaman mo kung paano.

    @mugen: for sure dude, lahat tayo may malungkot na kwento. that's what makes our lives colorful.

    @turismoboi: oo nga, may libre sana kong legal opinion lagi, hehehe. seriously though, i thought so, but only at first.

    ReplyDelete