Monday, December 7, 2009

coming out... sort of | part three

coming out... sort of | part one

coming out... sort of | part two

without saying a word, i got up from the bed, ready to walk away. but as i did, he got up quickly as well and hug me tightly, my back against him.

i heard his uneasy breathing near my ears. and then a whisper.

"i've been wanting to do this for the longest time."


i don't know what came over me but i just stood there silently. even when he started kissing my nape, i did not utter a single word. i felt his hands move from my arms to my shoulders, slowly directing me to face him. our eyes met and i was trying to read the message in there but all i see is desire. i saw his face moving towards mine until our lips met.

that hotel room was a witness to my many firsts. and i must say that i did enjoy the night with him. it was a different feeling, something that i haven't experienced before; weird in some way but nonetheless fulfilling.

funny, but unlike my initial reaction to his advances, i never felt any anger towards bert. we bid our goodbyes at the hotel lobby the next day with a promise that whatever happened inside the small room will remain a secret for us to keep. and that inspite of the fact that we crossed-over the threshold of friendship, we'll continue being good friends. come what may.

days passed and i never heard any word from him. exactly a month after that incident, on his birthday month, bert called me up to relay a seemingly important message. he said that he had been thinking about me all the time and couldn't forget what happened in cebu. that was the reason why he became silent all of a sudden; because he knew that i was straight then, had a girlfriend, and probably would not entertain the thought of reciprocating his feelings.

he told me that he consulted his priest friend about his predicament. the priest, although a follower of the faith, simply told him that loving is not a negative feeling and that whoever it is directed to, gender and identities aside, is one lucky person to receive it. but he was warned that there are certain consequences for society does not tolerate such. in the end, however, he was told to follow what his heart so desires.

needless to say, bert convinced me that we are worth a try. on his birthday, we officially became a couple and true, it was a long distance relationship.

but every so often, bert would visit his father and i myself would make up some lame excuse to be able to go to manila and meet him. we'd go on dates and enjoy the limited times we shared with each other. we'd paint a promising future together where all dreams would come true. we'd lie down under the stars wishing that what we have will not come to an end.

in the end, however, we're still both young and immature. we fight in the simplest of things and will not even bother to call each other for a week or so. it was the turning point of our relationship and from then on, the promise of forever started to fail us both.

the conclusion of our story happened in tagaytay one cold december afternoon. i was standing at the terrace of our hotel room overlooking taal contemplating whether i should go on with my decision. he was inside the room pretending to be busy with something else. i felt his sad gaze from afar and right then i knew that it would break our hearts if i go on with it.

but it must be done.

to be continued...


  1. ay.

    kala ko xerex episode ito.

    MKK pala.

    rude, ang popcorn, nauubos na! mag microwave ka ng ng isa pa ng bag!


  2. sarap talaga ng first love. pero bakit parang laging sad ang kinauuwian. *sigh*

  3. I like what that priest said.

    If only more of the clergy were as understanding about the width and breadth of love.

  4. oo nga ternie.... akalo ko din pang nifty...

    pang dear ate helen pala....

  5. this is true that "loving is not a negative feeling and that whoever it is directed to, gender and identities aside, is one lucky person to receive it"

    :) feels so inlove again.. kaso sad naman about what happen sa relationship niyo pero experince narin yan! lam ko nman na complicated ang pinasok nating mundo.. BE GOOD!

  6. aws....
    ok lang yan.i know madaling sabihin.
    but you only have one option to take..
    move on.
    masarap na masakit di ba? savor lang.heheh

  7. @ternie / @yj: syempre kelangan ko kumambyo ng konti. wholesome yata ang image ko. ;)

    @xtian / @engel: well, talagang ganyan ang buhay. sometimes you have to be sad to see the light of happiness.

    @aris: ewan ko nga ba, friend. ganun naman sa lahat.

  8. @rudeboy: bading siguro si father, bwahaha! joke lang!

    @popoy: thanks popoy for the wise words. salamat din sa pagdaan.

    @maldito: talagang ganyan ang buhay. kailangan lang nating sumabay sa agos.

  9. i love what the priest said.. hayy love

  10. gusto ko yang priest na yan ha, infairness... parang nagiging sad yung story. awwww,,,,