Sunday, May 31, 2009

a zombie yet again

yesterday's night out has been a really fantastic way to end my hectic week.

a lot of friends were wondering what in the world has been happening to me lately due to limited updates in twitter as well as my failure to post a new blog entry. forgive me for the moment as the john persona takes over full time because of my upcoming projects in the next two months. the tasks require my undivided attention (undivided daw?) considering the limited time given to us to execute all the planned activities.

we are currently in the process of connecting the plant's control system architecture to our headquarters in the swine flu country. it's really not that tedious but the main concern is that we're working with people in a different time zone and most of the activities are done via netmeeting. we hope to finish the project by mid-june and we're quite positive with this target since all major jobs such as firewall set-up, among others, were already done.

by july, counterparts from australia will be arriving here at the plant for the execution of project number two. we will be upgrading an obsolete control system and integrate this part of the operation in the central server. this will be the last phase of a million-dollar project that we started first quarter of last year.

after this, i have nothing more to do. teka, does that mean i'm losing my job already?

anyway, as i was saying, yesterday was such a breather for me. the fun started right before lunch when i fetched my sister from her apartment in tayuman. she's currently attending review classes in preparation for the nursing board next weekend. knowing that traffic will be so bad at that time, i just decided to leave zoom-zoom at gateway and take the train ride towards manila. good decision for we were already back in cubao in less than an hour.

we had a hearty lunch at superbowl followed by a marathon of stall-hopping as my sister is looking for a bag that she will be using during her exams. funny thing is that after all the gruelling walk, she's not able to buy anything while i ended up with a new pair of shoes. (note to self: stay away from shoe shops for the mean time, john. you still have two pairs barely used and now you bought another one. wait, sanuks are not shoes!)

next plan was dinner with friends and i arrived at trinoma at around eight in the evening. i was still full from all that chinese food so i just had some pasta. but i am a true blue ice cream fanatic that's why i didn't say no to that superb sundae from cold rock.

we were supposed to go to red box afterwards but the place is already packed so off we went to music 21 in timog. i'm not really sure if music likes me but i did try a few songs. still, i think the whole week has already taken its toll. amidst the belting of ms. philippines-visayas, i fell asleep on the couch.

suffice to say, i got home at around four thirty in the morning today.

but i'm already working again by eight.

shit, i must have really loved my job.



***

sometimes, work becomes such a hassle, energy-draining even. but the fact is, it pays the bills. though its ideal to save for the rainy days, its good that we reward ourselves from time to time. its a small token for all our efforts, time and energy. now go and buy yourselves a new pair of shoes as well.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

chronicles | birthday gift

i saw him looking at me when i got off the cab. it seems he has something to say but decided otherwise. i can't explain, not now. i am not ready and i know there's no proper explanation for what i did. but he never asked for it. that's what puzzles me. i expected a tirade. but he came in his usual self, with a sunny smile and all. the long talk over dinner was really nice. he made sure that the conversation never stray to what has happened in the past weeks.

for one thing, i never thought that we'd see each other today. after what i did, i'm quite sure i'd never hear from him again. but he remembered my birthday and he asked me out. in a few days, i know he will be leaving the country. i had to see him if only to explain myself. we were both mad the last time we talked. my exams will start soon and the pressure is killing me. i know he will understand, he has to.

i found him waiting at the lobby. he came ahead of me. he's always on time and me, i'm always late. i noticed he's holding a box. he saw me and smiled. i miss that smile. i haven't seen that for almost five weeks now. should i smile back? isn't he mad at me?

happy birthday, eric, he said as he handed me the box. this is for you. i would have wanted to give you a big hug but people are looking.

thanks, i said. that's all i can say at the moment. i stared at his face, looking for any sign of anger. there was none.

i made reservations already. let's go inside. i'm starving.

he led the way towards our table. it was at the far end of the hall where only a few people are sitting. good place. we can talk and nobody will hear us.

open your gift. he's smiling again. i don't understand his actions. didn't we just break up? what's happening?

i unwrapped the small box and saw a watch inside. i remember this one. we were at the mall then looking for some stuff when i asked him to come with me and check out a watch store. i need something that i can use during my exams. i need to always be aware of the time. i found this one particularly nice with a silver metallic frame, brown facing and leather bracelets. i'd get this one soon, i told him.

now he bought it for me. a gift for my birthday.

wow, i love it, tony! thanks a lot.

something special for someone special, he said grinning.

dinner's served after and we talked about my coming exams. i told him i fear that i'm not yet ready. i fear that i'm going to fail. he said that nobody really is ready when taking these professional exams. that it's all a matter of stored knowledge. that i should have faith in myself knowing that i did my best to prepare for it. he's always optimistic; one of the traits i love about him. i realized i miss talking to him. he always manage to calm my nerves.

i'm leaving on the eighteenth. i'll be gone for six months.

i knew that, of course. and i dread for that day to come. for he'll be thousands of miles away from me. but i already gave up my claim over him. deep inside, i know i want him beside me. but i can't ask him to stay. i won't ask him to stay.

take care of yourself there. its far. and you'll be all alone.

thanks.

and then there was silence. like there were only the two of us in that place. what am i going to say next? he's been really nice the whole time. much as he's trying to hide it, i can see the pain in his eyes. i can't bear to add more pain into it. we're both hurting. i feel what he feels.

do you want to go and have coffee?

i think i'll pass. i still have to catch up with my reading. and sunday is my exam's first day.

then i guess we should go now. remember what i said. believe that you'll do well. happy birthday again.

we took the same cab on our way home. as always, he dropped me at my street but this time, there were no promises of tomorrow. only a fleeting goodbye.

i opened the box again to see the watch that he gave me. as i take it out, i saw a small piece of paper inside. more greetings, i thought and my lips curved into a smile.

i was wrong.

as much as i want you back in my arms, i am not breaking my word. i already set you free. the only thing i should settle now is how i will do it for myself. hard, but i am not giving myself any other choice. take care of yourself. and thanks for the memories.

tonight will be the last night that you'll see me. one day, i hope, we will find our own happiness, away from each, never crossing paths again. goodbye, eric. i love you.


and all i can do is cry.


***

another attempt at writing a story. take note, its an attempt, nothing more.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

repost | complicated

the weather is gloomy again and when it is, it gets me thinking.


are you a member of any social networking sites? hmmm, think friendster, or facebook perhaps. well, since more and more people become internet freaks these days, i'm pretty sure you are.

upon joining these sites, you will be asked a lot of personal questions such as your name, university, contact details, the usual stuff. then it gets even more personal when you come across the lists of favorites, why you joined, and i guess, the more blatant relationship status.

which brings me to the point of this post. no, there's nothing wrong asking whether you are single or in a relationship (the term being more popular now). what i find amusing is one other option that some users go for - it's complicated.

what the heck is that? how can you not be able to describe your relationship status? i do have more questions but then that would really make things way so complicated.

whether you are or are not in a relationship should be simple, right? don't get me wrong. i am not an expert in this stuff, else, i would have gotten married by the time i reached legal age. but then again, if you already see your status as complicated, how much more will it be if you go beyond it?

is it a question of love? i hope not. love may mean a lot of things to a lot of people but it should always be simple. so are relationships, because they are supposed to be based on love.

i may have my shares of biases, i know, so i won't force my views. but i also know that complicating things will only lead to a lot of head(and heart)aches. so as much as possible, do try to keep everything as simple as it should be.

and you might be wondering what the heck that picture is doing there, hmmm, it really is complicated.


***

it seems to me, the it's complicated thing has already transcended the internet. i got this particular answer when i asked my cousin how things are going on with her partner.
likewise, this was a friend's retort when asked about the real score between her and a colleague.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

stop right now

with our tummies failing to get over the gluttony we just demonstrated in front of the buffet table, we started to embark on our next journey towards this hidden church behind the hills. a few hours ago, we barely kept silent over the long drive up but i guess at this point, none of us has the energy to start chit-chatting over the most trivial of things.

since i failed to bring lady gaga with me (to the huge disappointment of this boy from bel-air), we settled ourselves in listening to his mp3 collection in his mobile phone. it seems to me, the boy favors music from late nineties to early two thousand. no problem; all of us inside zoom-zoom are more or less aware of such stuff.

it was at this point that a certain track started to blare from the tiny speakers. the few muffled sounds that we make were replaced with complete silence to give way to the music's commanding presence. even though not one of us dared to hum during the first few lines, it became evident later that we are all waiting for the chorus to come.

if we were not in the car (with me holding the steering wheel), we would have stood up altogether and danced to the beat in all its original glory. come to think of it, i guess it would not be very difficult to perform the whole routine as we all knew it by heart.

nonetheless, our hands and arms started moving in tune with the songs unforgettable lines. funny; i can only imagine people's reactions should they see these four guys singing and dancing as if there's no tomorrow (a ewan, eat your hearts out!).


stop right now, thank you very much
i need somebody with a human touch
hey you, always on the run
gotta slow it down baby, gotta have some fun.

and everytime i hear the song, this little episode comes to mind. indeed, we are all fans of spice girls whether we admit it or not. we even jokingly tagged one another with our very own aliases. too bad there were only four of us then.

and until this day, baby spice is still missing.


***

i believe even the most discreet of us guys still became huge fans. "stop" pa lang 'yan. imagine what we could have done if the song was "wannabe".

Monday, May 11, 2009

of things unplanned

it was not the first time for me to go there. for many years, i did not even consider going back to that place for in there lies youthful memories both happy and sad. aside from that, there's really no reason for me to do so but not until recently.

rain was pouring heavily when i left home. unlike any other trips i have taken before, i am taking this one alone. with my things carefully tucked inside my backpack, i prepared myself for the journey ahead, leaving all big expectations behind.

looking out of the window, i started wondering how things led to this point. a little over a week ago, we were just on our usual conversation when i suddenly popped in the big surprise. i am going there, i said. you thought i was kidding. but you know how i like doing things unplanned. i am the master of spur-of-the-moment decisions. and then you wondered whether there's some grain of truth with what i said.

as the plane started to descend, fear and excitement envelopes me. walking out of the airport, i realized that there's no turning back now. all the months of waiting brought me back to this place where, for the second time in my life, i am trying my luck at happiness. but unlike before, i came here more hopeful that things will turn out differently.

just as we had agreed, you will be meeting me at my hotel. i left my backpack in my room and decided to go down and wait for you at the lobby. now more aware of every moment, i look towards the front door everytime a cab passes by, hoping that the next one will pull over with you inside.

and there you were, after a few minutes coming out from one of them. i was looking at your every movement. with a box in one hand and a rose on another, you looked at me from outside the door and smiled.

bagsak na ang bataan.



***

it takes the two of you to make a relationship work, that's why you're called partners.


Friday, May 8, 2009

sparks

our flame,

it is eternal

for as long as each one of us remains a spark,

it lives.



***

one day, you guys will write again.



photocredits:
farm4

Monday, May 4, 2009

career path to where?

a few days from now, i will be celebrating my third year at work... my present work that is.

ikatlong trabaho ko na ngayon. tama ka, ganun ako kakulit. parang sinisilihan ang puw*t ko kaya hindi ako mapirmi. kaya nga medyo naninibago ako dahil nakatagal ako ng halos tatlong taon.

it was on the 5th of may in 2004 when i had my first job. licensed engineer po ako kahit 'di kayo maniwala. una akong nagtrabaho sa isang consumer goods company. mahirap siyang hulaan. produkto niya 'yung sabong panlaba na ang kahon ay nanghahabol ng maruming damit. pero asenso na sila ngayon. si juday na ang model nila. sabi pa niya, "knock-out ang dumi't mantsa!".

hindi rin ako tumagal kaya makalipas ang walong buwan ay lumipat ako sa isang japanese semiconductor company. sa totoo lang marami silang produkto kabilang na ang relo, pc softwares/hardwares at lcd ng mobile phones pero pinakakilala sa lahat ay ang kanilang printers. dito ko nakilala ang ilang malalapit na kaibigan na hanggang ngayon ay patuloy ko pa ring nakakasama kapag may pagkakataon.

there were five of us then who belong to the same department. pare-pareho kaming sira-ulo. lagi naming niloloko yung supervisor naming may halitosis. awa ng diyos, sunod-sunod kaming nagresign, pati na rin si supervisor.

at heto na nga ako sa aking ikatlong trabaho. ayos naman dito, maalikabok kung tag-araw, maputik kung tag-ulan. higit sa lahat, nasa bundok pa kaya enjoy na rin paminsan-minsan, ehem, nature tripping ba a're?

average ko one job per year. i already beat my record. hanggang kelan kaya ako tatagal?


***

by the 15th of this month, i will be celebrating my third year at work. i never expected to endure it but experience tells me that patience is really one of my virtues. a lot of people have been asking me if there are any plans to go abroad but i have always been telling them that here is where i want to build my home and as long as my work here can support me, i will stay.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

summer love

sa muling pagbuhos ng ulan ay dadaloy ang mga luha

maglalakbay ang isipan sa mga matatamis na alaala

pipilitin ang paghilom sa mga pusong nasugatan

bibitaw ang mga kamay tanda ng pamamaalam.




***

in time, everything comes to a full circle; even love cannot withstand the end of summer.