Monday, September 28, 2009

butch is my middle name

to paraphrase my friend, jamie

what can i say. i'm so butch. i'm as butch as butch can go. i'm so butch i even scare myself...

see, ondoy has that effect on me. i'm blabbering nonsense.

today we start again, not from scratch, but from the muddy puddle we are in.

interestingly, the after-effects are bringing out the "er" in me.

i feel so manly all of a sudden.










i'm so butch

i'm even wearing boots.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

sign of the times

we're almost there

so they say

towards becoming a first-world country

where progress is defined by internal strength;

a strong republic

so many has claimed

and yet

all it takes is one storm

by the name of ondoy

to remind us that we are not...



because we are just but a dot in the greater scheme of things.

Friday, September 25, 2009

i have a crush

i have a crush
and he is a blogger
but he has not been posting for quite some time now
"i'm busy.", he says.


i have a crush
and he is a blogger
he does not usually meet up with others
"i'm shy.", he says.


i have a crush
and he is a blogger
we've met a few days back
"i hope you had fun.", he says.


i have a crush
and he is a blogger
but that's all there is to it
no more, no less.

Monday, September 14, 2009

linden lobby

i was signing the guest book when i saw his familiar face. it was unexpected really, because he's supposed to be miles away. awkward too, for i am with a friend and so is he. but then a question kicked in, are we going to the same party?

we met two weeks back somewhere east. he invited me to come over for some fun with his other friend. and i did for the body was willing. i learned after that both of them are married and working in the metro, with families living in their respective provinces.

i never felt any guilt. after all, even if it's not me, they will still do the deed with somebody else. and this was a one-time deal. we'll never see each other again.

or so i thought.

because right then, we are standing in the same lobby facing each other.

"saan ka?", i asked.

"tenth floor.", was his reply.

i heaved a sigh of relief.


***

i received a message from him hours later asking me if i was interested to meet up since his place was available. i declined his offer.


the probability of bumping into someone you've had random sex with is big but i never expected that it will happen to me. i have long resigned to the idea that there would be no looking back once i stepped out of someone else's bedroom.

now more than ever, i should be very careful and try to make sure that those i bed with does not belong to my own circle (or my circle's other circle, now why the sudden interest in circles?).

it freaks me out to know that the next one might be your friend.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

roadside rendezvous

i was driving along libis very much aware of the man sitting beside me. the situation was all too familiar, reminiscent of events that took place more than a year before. however, i cannot remember us being silent, both careful not to let words come out which could lead to something we might regret in the end.

dinner was great. the mood was lighter than what i have expected considering that we haven't seen each other for the last eighteen months. true, there was a moment of hesitation for i did question myself if i was ready to face him but it would be too late to back out. it should be now, or never.

we talked and it was no easy conversation. in searching for our answers, we have to once again go back to that part of our history where the sky is not always blue, where the world is not always happy. but life has been good to us and so we were able to accept that our time together has already passed and both has to move on towards living fulfilling lives with others.

and his response to my question is more than enough to assure me that everything will be all right.

we were on our way to the east when my thoughts were interrupted. i felt his fingers caressing my right ear, fostering a new kind of tension in the air.

"what are you doing?", i asked, trying to make sure the tone of my voice do not invite him to go further.

"i missed you. i missed this.", he said, his hands slowly moving to its target.

"don't."

"ayaw mo?"

"sinabi ko ba?"

"pull over."

"yes, attorney."


***

after all this time, he still knows me. he still knows how to light my fire.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

breakfast in bed

i opened my eyes nearly forgetting where i am. as i gaze sleepily to the one lying beside me, a surge of memories started to fill my inner being; memories of what has transpired the night before.

sensing that i'm awake, i felt him move beneath my arms. slowly, he turned to his side and faced me, his lips curving into a smile. i held out my hand, my fingers tracing his strong jawline.

a beautiful boy, indeed. i thought to myself. many will cry over you.

and just then, my hand started moving elsewhere.


***

the guy is slowly becoming a constant companion, a provider of sorts. however, it was cleared already from the start, no emotional investments whatsoever, lest he wants his girl to find out.