Thursday, December 30, 2010

a note to remember

i think i died and went to heaven.

opening the gift that jason handed to me last night, i found this note carefully tucked in.

and he gave me a nat-geo-inspired shirt from regatta.

i love.


Wednesday, December 29, 2010

goodbye, boys

bwahaha! i knew it. bading ka, bading ka, bading ka!

one more.

bading ka!


heniwey, hindi naman talaga tungkol sa kanya ang entry na ito. kung bading siya, e pakialam ko naman dabah? pasensya na kasi, chismoso lang.

i guess the year 2010 has been good to me. medyo marami-rami naman akong na-accomplish, both personally and professionally. looking back, it was not an easy road but nonetheless fulfilling. sabi nga, great lessons are learned from experiences and i'm very much thankful that i had the courage to face life head on. kasi kung titiklop na lang ako basta-basta, baka kung saan na lang ako pulutin.

admittedly though, ang pangako ko last time ay hindi natupad. sabi ko pa naman, magtitipid ako sa 2010 pero hindi naman nangyari. next year na lang ako magtitipid. pwamis!

oo nga pala, i already left my condo in ortigas. kung reader kita, malamang alam mo na kung bakit. my partner and i are moving in together pero somewhere near lang naman. kaya sa mga iiwan ko dun, ang masasabi ko lang, goodbye, boys! (echoz.)

sa mga friends na nakilala ko through this blog, thank you all for a wonderful year. pasensya na rin kung wala ako sa mga events (me ganun?) recently. busy-busyhan lang talaga sa trabaho at sa buhay may-asawa.

sa mga frenemies ko, god bless. hahaha! ay, oo nga pala, i have a special message to one of you pero kino-compose ko pa. susko, ginulat mo ako ng bonggang-bongga, 'teh. pero i promise to respond soon.

ilang araw na lang, new year na. i hope it brings a lot of good things to everyone. we're all starting fresh again so let the lessons we learned from the past guide us in our new journey.

and oh, if any of you will be celebrating the coming of the new year together, invite niyo ko, ha. please. (haha, nagmakaawa!)

Monday, December 20, 2010

an early greeting

a few days from now and it's christmas already.

hopes are high. time for wishes to come true.

believe me. mine did.

here's hoping that happiness showers to everyone.

a very merry christmas from john stan and jason.

Friday, December 17, 2010

my unsolicited advice

oh my gulay, that incident (accident) happened ages ago! and i'm sure you knew the terms from the start.

i made it clear so many times - no expectations whatsoever. it was between two consenting adults.

at nag-enjoy ka naman.

at dahil malapit na ang pasko,

please move on already.

find your happiness. do not dwell on all things negative. sigurado akong alam mo na 'yan.

mukha ka namang matalino.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Thursday, December 16, 2010

something to look forward to

it seems i am neglecting my blog again.

coming back from our singapore trip last week, i was greeted with loads of work waiting for my immediate attention. i guess it was really not enough that i already spent two months of being incommunicado. demanding is a big understatement for this job!

good thing it pays well.

and the few times i was able to save for myself i spent with the boyfriend. those times were heaven, i tell you.

by the way, i'll let you in on one secret. it looks like the days of living alone will end soon. oh, you know what i mean.

as christmas is just around the corner, i'm pretty sure this is gonna be the best season ever.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

random thought

last time i checked, i still have a life. i don't know where it is now.

malapit na ang pasko pero stressful pa rin. hay, i need some freaking "me" time!

teka, teka. why are you grinning? it's not the "me" time i'm talking about.

i have plenty of that. and more, ahihihi!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

tax na naman


paano pa sa susunod na pay-out when the 13th month pay will be given?

kung sino pa 'yung single, 'yung walang mga dependents na nakikinabang sa basic services ng gobyero, siya pa ang malaki ang tax.

makapag-anak na nga lang ng marami. kaso lang pareho kami ni jason na walang matris.

hay, life is so freaking unfair!

Sunday, November 28, 2010

changing seasons

not too long ago, john stan came out of the closet and offered these words,

ngayon, kung sasabihin kong nagkakagusto ako sa kapwa ko lalake, anong tawag mo sa akin?

lalake. dahil yun ang sabi ng doktor. dahil yun ang nakasulat sa aking birth certificate. dahil yun ang alam kong dapat itawag sa sarili ko.

ako si stan. 'yan ang pangalang bumuo ng aking pagkatao.

ako si stan, november 2008

o 'di ba ang seryoso lang? that was how my initial entries went. maybe because i opened my blog during the time na emo-emohan ang drama ko. at dahil it took me months before i decided to meet other bloggers, akala tuloy nila "thundercats" na ko.

in most of my encounters with fellow bloggers, the first thing i am asked about is my age. it seems that my blog leaves the impression that i'm quite old already. rather than get insulted, i am really pleased that you guys think i write mature, if that is the case. wait, i hope that's the case.

random facts, february 2009

like many of you, i had my shares of defeats. and for someone who relies on himself for everything, it was never too easy.

tunay ngang sumasalamin ang bagay na ito sa kung anuman ang nagaganap sa aking kasalukuyan. binigyang buhay ko ang what happens next upang palayain ang aking isipan sa mga katanungang hindi ko kayang sagutin at mga katotohanang hindi ko masasasabi sa iba. ngunit sa hindi inaasahang pagkakataon, naligaw ako ng daan tungo sa aking kahapon. at muling nabuhay ang pag-aalinlangan.

a "ultimate" farewell, february 2009

but i was able to rise above every adversary. i guess, when driven to the wall, you can always find the strength needed to face even your greatest fears.

from then on, i was able to suppress the urge to write. a lot has happened in the days that passed but i kept my silence, that is, until now...

... when i did understand that some things come about because they just do and, like everything else, they too, shall pass.

or so i thought, march 2009

with this i blog, i met some awesome people who became such very good friends. and even if we do not see each other regularly, we always find ways to exchange "chismis" from time to time.

and everytime i hear the song, this little episode comes to mind. indeed, we are all fans of spice girls whether we admit it or not. we even jokingly tagged one another with our very own aliases. too bad there were only four of us then.

stop right now, may 2009

of course, we cannot have the best of everything. i guess, some friendships are not meant to be and in the end, there's really no choice but to say goodbye.

i consider you one of my friends; one of the closest, in fact. most of the things about me, you know of. but if keeping my secrets burden you, by all means, go and never look back. you have your great company now. go and enjoy.

severing ties, february 2010

after reading this blog again, i realized it's been one heck of a rollercoaster ride. ang daming climax, ang daming nabuong stories. mga kwentong nagsanga-sanga, mga kwentong hindi na natuldukan pa.

and within the centerpiece lies the real me; that part of me that i decided to share with you; that part of me that not even my closest of friends has ever seen or will ever know of. for every entry celebrates the colorful life that i have. and yes, it was beyond their wildest dreams.

i guess, only time can tell if they will ever find out these things about me. or for that matter, about me and my partner.

i remember writing before my hiatus that the plan is to build what was nearly destroyed. i guess, introducing john stan to jason is one big step towards achieving that goal. now, all my cards lay bare and i am only too glad that amid all the things he found out, he has accepted me, flaws and all. silly me for asking him why.

"love.", he says.

revelations | part 3, september 2010

indeed, writing this blog has been a good long journey. it was so enjoyable that i didn't immediately realize it's been two years already. i grew older and grew up in front of all of you. syet, nakakahiya! echos lang.

as i continue my way through life, i want to thank everyone who's been a part of these wonderful years. kung wala kayo, wala rin akong fans, mwahaha! mehel kow keyow! *sandara wave*

now let me introduce myself again.

i am john stan and welcome to my world.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

competition, compassion

is setting a new personal record more important than helping a runner in need?

for the nth time, i ran the half-marathon at run united 2 held at the fort early saturday morning. even with little training due to a very loaded work schedule, i was feeling better about this race. but this is still 21 kilometers so i have to be really really careful.

"it's gonna be a great day.", i told myself.

minutes before race time, i found out that about three-fourths of the runners are first-time half-marathoners. i guess that explains the sea of reactions you can see in their faces. a few cannot hide their excitement while others look like they do not know what they had gotten themselves into. many are extremely nervous, a few of them doing the sign of the cross. but as the countdown to start begins, everyone wore their game faces.

the first part of the race was a breeze. going around bonifacio high street and towards british school pose no threat to someone who runs regularly. and since the race started at 5:10 in the morning, the cool atmosphere was just perfect for everyone.

but it ends there.

because both buendia flyover and bayani road are included in the route and will surely test everyone's limits.

i was on my 15th kilometer when i noticed several people stopping, pain evident in their faces. as much as i can, i gave words of encouragement to those i pass by. but then i realized, would that be enough?

and then i remember my first half-marathon a few months ago when i encountered muscle cramps a few kilometers before the finish line. more than the pain in my legs, what hurts me more was the fact that i have the spirit, i have the drive but my legs just won't move. aside from that, what added to the frustration was that runners who were behind me earlier in the race were already passing by me.

but yes, there were also a few who stopped and offered help. there was this lady who offered medicines. there was this guy who taught me how to stretch my leg muscles properly. and then there was this old man who walked with me a few meters before the finish line.

and so i decided to stop as well. to every person i pass by who needed that push. i know i am just one but i hope that my little gesture will show them that my type of running is not all about competition and personal records; that there is compassion in this sport; that there's still fun in "fun run". i learned it from those runners who became my angels and help me get that very first medal i have.

anyway, i can always beat my record on another day.

perhaps in singapore next month.

Monday, November 15, 2010

fruity me

no more shopping for me this december. i wish.

sabi ko pa naman, i'll splurge on my singapore trip. pero dahil ako na ang adik, hindi na ko nakapaghintay pa.

my 2010 goals has just been realized.

because my apple family is already complete.

syet, ang gastos lang!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

day 1 | anniversary

of course, by now, you must have guessed what this countdown is all about.

i can't believe it's been a year already. looking back, there were a lot of ups and downs. there were a lot of twists and turns. there were a lot of bumps and blocks.

but there's a whole lot more to be thankful for.

and as everyday passes, i knew it in my heart.

i am loving him more and more.

Friday, November 12, 2010

day 2 | hot air balloons

i can still remember that day.

a day we both hold dear.

it was our first trip together.

and though our journey started months back,

it was then that i told myself - he's the one.

the only one.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

day 3 | banchetto nights

by now, most of you must have heard about banchetto.

every friday at around 12 midnight, a part of f. ortigas road, formerly emerald avenue, is being closed to traffic and converted to a pseudo-marketplace, offering different kinds of food for the late sleepers and night workers. here, you can find almost anything you're craving for and, if you're a beki at heart, you'll sometimes get lucky and spot a few eye-candies.

as friday is our official date day, jason and i go to banchetto for midnight snack. o di ba, katakawan talaga?

it's either pasta, cake, or crepe, depende kung ano ang feel naming kainin. pero syempre, hindi mawawala sa order ang hungarian sausage at schublig! masarap kaya, lalo na kung medyo spicy.

minsan naman, kapag tinoyo kami, we buy from the "hepa" lane. ano yun? eto 'yung area na ang mga tinitinda ay barbecue, betamax, adidas, kwek-kwek at kung anu-ano pang tinuhog-tuhog. pero bihira naman. mahirap na, afraid!

of course, more than the eating part, the fun is in staying late and waiting for banchetto to open. sobrang dami kasing tao na nag-uunahan lalo na kapag breaktime sa mga call centers. at kapag maraming gwapo, it's definitely better dahil siksikan sa daan. believe it or not, may hipuang nagaganp, choz!

pero syempre, sa isang gwapo lang naman nakatutok ang mata ko. sa asawa ko lang.

iba pa rin ang tinitingnan sa tinititigan.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

day 4 | baguio getaway

baguio was not our first out-of-town trip together but it turned out to be one of the most relaxing getaway we've had. the place, with its nice scenery and cold weather, provided the much-needed respite from the hassles of work and life in busy manila.

i guess it was correct decision to leave zoom-zoom behind. for one, i was able to sleep the whole time that we were on the bus, my hand holding jason's who's also sleeping beside me. paano ko nalaman 'to? feeling ko lang!

anyway, it was raining in baguio when we arrived at our hotel. sa totoo lang, wala kaming kaplano-plano when we went there. even the trip was not well-planned. nagkataon lang na nagtugma ang schedule naming dalawa so we decided to go away for a while.

kaya hayun, tamang food trip at palibot-libot na lang. it was only a one-nighter that's why we tried to make the most of that very short break. multitasking nga ang drama namin. isipin mo na lang, nagsusulat ako sa blog, kumakain, nanonood kami ng tv at nag-oh-oh-yeah moments all at the same time. oh dabah, ang saya!

after dinner, we decided to walk around the city with one thing in mind - maghanap ng gay bar. it was another spur-of-the-moment decision. hindi pa kasi kami pareho nakakapasok sa ganoong lugar at wala naman kami sa manila kaya most likely, walang makakakilala sa amin. yup, we decided na magpakabeki that night.

pero susko, nakapag-half-marathon na kami sa kalalakad e wala pa kaming nakikita. or maybe we were looking at the wrong places (i hate you, utopia-asia!). ang ending, sa hotel pa rin at nakatulog sa pagod ang dalawang bakla!

we woke up late the following day and enjoyed the king-sized bed even further. sulit kung sulit.

aba e, uuwe na kami in a few hours kaya kailangang makarami!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

day 5 | meeting friends

i am referring to blogger friends, of course. right now, i still can't imagine introducing jason to my college and work buddies because doing so will definitely raise some eyebrows.

there were about three occasions already that i brought jason to and each one had been a good experience for him. shy and silent he is, i know, but that doesn't mean that he did not enjoy his company. he was just like that. sabi ko naman sa inyo, hindi 'yun sanay sa maraming bading. lalo na 'yung maraming maiingay na bading.

he was first introduced to my closest blogger buds during my birthday dinner. i can still remember his apprehension about meeting them, fearing that he may have had met them before when he was still, hmmmm, enjoying his singlehood. i did manage to convince him though but he had to go home a bit early since he had no sleep yet.

the second time was when migs invited us to join them for a lunch treat at the asilo de san vicente de paul in manila. it was one of our best dates ever and jason enjoyed it very much because he adores kids. he was even caught on video feeding this little guy and his smile was really priceless.

the last occasion was when gibbs and joel invited me for late night dessert at chocolate fire. it was also migs' despedida then and i brought jason along to meet them once more and to surprise gibbs who, for the longest time, had been bugging me for introductions (bleh!). admittedly, we became one of the hot topics discussed that night, all thanks to a recent issue i got tangled in. (negative vibes, shoo!)

of course, i had my share of meeting some of jason's friends as well. in fairness, kasundo ko sila, ha! it just shows that i am not as snob as others think.

then again, maldita naman talaga ko paminsan-minsan!

Monday, November 8, 2010

day 6 | happy meals

oh god, drained ako today!

ume-effort pa naman ako sa aking 12-day countdown tapos halfway through it e bigla pa yata akong mahinhinto. very promising pa naman ang topic ko - food.

oo na, lately kasi e wala kaming ginawa ng asawa ko kundi kumain. kebs na sa calories. bawi na lang sa gym at exercise the following day.

among the places we've tried, i guess belonging to the most memorable were:

1. leslie's tagaytay - dahil pinagtiyagaan naming ubusin ang isang full serving ng special bulalo habang pa-sway-sway dahil sa malakas na hangin ang aming maliit na kubo.

2. old spaghetti house antipolo - dahil bumobongga kami sa pagkain ng pasta habang bumabagyo at me pa-view-view pa kunwari ng overlooking e puro ulan naman ang nakikita.

3. cafe by the ruins baguio city - dahil, for the first time, i ate like a goat dahil puro dahon, bulaklak at halaman lang ang laman ng plato ko.

and so far, ang planong dusit crossover buffet, spirals at circles ay hanggang plano pa rin because for sure, ito na ang magiging "the height" ng aming katakawan.

but admittedly, what i love most are our simple meals at home. kahit fastfood delivery pa ito, walang ka-proble-problema.

because as long as i share it with jason,

every meal is a wonder.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

day 7 | cinema lovers

i clearly remember the first movie that we saw. we were still dating then when the time traveller's wife opened to an eager audience. after enduring the long queue at the ticket booth, we were told that there were no more available adjacent seats for that night's final screening. at dahil pumila na kami ng matagal, keri na rin kahit di kami magkatabi. parang ewan lang.

enjoy naman kahit paano. at bakit nga hindi? with eric bana shirtless and almost nude in every scene, we definitely got our money's worth. haha, charing! ang babaw lang.

anyway, that movie started our love story with eastwood cinema. pero hindi kami stick to one. we also had an affair with gate(gay)way cinema and robinson's movieworld. awa ng diyos, hindi naman kami nahipuan sa gayway. hindi rin namin nakita 'yung malaking ahas na nagngangalang robinson.

our love for movies brought us closer together. i guess it helps that we have the same taste pagdating sa pelikula. and we are not the discriminating moviegoer. kahit bakya, papatusin namin. case in point - vice ganda's petrang kabayo.

but in fairness, nakiliti naman kami kahit konti. ay teka, nagkilitian pala kami talaga!

what happened in that movie na nga pala?

Saturday, November 6, 2010

day 8 | baby talk

come to think of it, this, probably, is the height of our kakesohan. everytime we talk, we manage to squeeze in our own "baby language". like this morning when i dropped him off in his apartment on my way to work.

jason: text me when you get to work, ok?

johnstan: yup, yup. sleep well mamaya, ha?

jason: opo. sino wab mo?

johnstan: jayjay (his nickname) lang wabwab ko.

jason: e sino wabwab ng jayjay?

johnstan: present (hands raised)!

jason: (embracing me) johnstan ko to eh!

johnstan: (embracing him too) jayjay ko to, eh!

jason: pashok ka na po, baka ma-late ka.

johnstan: otei, awabu!

jason: awabu more. mami-mish kita!

cheesy, no?

okay, you can throw up now.

i promise i won't get mad.

Friday, November 5, 2010

day 9 | not always smooth sailing

just like any normal couple (yes, with emphasis on the word "normal"), jason and i go through our ups and downs. i'm pretty sure some of you would remember my rants in this blog. those were times that i couldn't contain myself anymore and expressing myself in my pages is the only avenue i have in releasing my bad vibes.

still, i would have to admit that oftentimes, our disagreements are partly my fault. for one, patience is not really one of my virtues and there are many instances that i get irritated very easily. such would trigger a heated exchange of words with one of us walking out in the end. but as weeks and months pass, we learn to cope up with each other's behavior, or should i say, jason has learned to be more patient with me.

and many times, his patience was really tested.

i believe the first major fight we had was when i went to bed (the bar) without him knowing. truth be told, i did not go there looking for some hot action. it's just that i was invited by a blogger friend who came home from singapore.

i am most certain that he won't find out about that night, however, two days after, a few of our photos surfaced in facebook. it seems that blogger friend and jason had this photographer as common friend. hayun tuloy, huli. walang kalusot-lusot!

of course, we managed to surpass that incident but the biggest blow (no pun intended) on our relationship was when this blog was revealed. jason found out all my kalokohan and he was most upset when he discovered that i met up with an -ex. we almost called it quits right then. good thing clearer heads and open hearts prevailed in the end.

so you see, our relationship is far from perfect. in fact, a lot of times, we tread on dangerous roads.

but we get by.

with a lot of love and understanding.

and a sincere hope that every road block we face strengthens us more, keep us together, towards our journey to forever.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

day 10 | breakfast dates

firstly, i am not advertising anything.

i guess, one major drawback of working in opposite times is that our schedules seldom meet. i work on daytimes and jason does so in the night. this is why we are very careful in planning our activities especially since i am only off from work once a week. (oh, lucky me! ugh.)

friday is our official sex date day as we are both off on that day, however, as much as possible, we try to look for ways to meet up in between. at first, it might seem impossible considering the time and place but we found a manageable solution to it - breakfast dates.

and so, we meet at least twice a week for breakfast. of course, timing is crucial. it has to be between six to six-thirty. jason goes home at five, give or take 30 minutes. i, on the other hand, needs to be at work by eight; an hour of travel included.

and the place? the ever so trusty chow king at the corner of p. tuazon and 20th avenue.

funny. many of the staff there know us already. the minute we enter the place, the cashier manning the counter already knows our order. i admit, it's always the same food every time, plus a few add-ons when we're really hungry.

and jason and i have the same taste in food. kaya laging pareho kami - yang chow fried rice topped with pork siomai, kangkong, tokwa, and pineapple juice. omnomnom!

of course, it doesn't end there. there's still dessert inside the car.

oh you know what i mean!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

day 11 | gabby

if ever i'm gonna have a pet, i want a puppy. a chowchow, perhaps.

but i don't want a dog!

wait, puppies are dogs.

yes, but they are cute little dogs.

i can't bear the big ones. afraid!

jason, on the other hand, likes them. in fact, he has a mini-pincher named gabby whom he loves dearly. i wish i have his patience, else, i would have thrown that little devil out of the window at the slightest provocation.

see, ang arte lang 'di ba?

buti na lang love ko 'yung may-ari!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

day 12 | love stories

i never thought i could find treasures at pinoyexchange. i enlisted in that site recently and started reading stories in the alternative preferences pages. right now, i am hooked with matinee idol and the chronicle of a desolate.

some may find them too mushy but i really like the way they were written. is it my romantic self coming out? or is it because i have my own love story unfolding right before my eyes?


i'm not sure.

i don't know.

but whatever it is, there's only jason to blame.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

confirmed booking

hu-well, hu-well, hu-well... for sure, kahalayan na naman ang naisip niyo, choz!

buti na lang pala at naisipan kong buksan ang aking personal e-mail, otherwise, i wouldn't know na may confirmation na ang accommodations namin for singapore this december.

pasok na pasok na itey. see you in the land of lah. and please, please, please, don't let me go to funan mall.

maawa kayo sa credit card ko!

Monday, October 25, 2010

my chef

susko, natawa naman ako mga 'teh sa clamor na i-post ang video ng asawa ko habang nagluluto! unfortunately, jason does not want that clip floating around cyberspace. kasi naman, in the closet din ang drama ng lolo nyo.

but he did agree for a sneek peek. kaya eto, hope this one suffices.

sample pa lang 'yan, mga 'teh!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

me, so far

oh dear, i really don't understand what's happening to me lately. i've been trying to come up with blog posts for the past few days and yet all i could boast of are a bunch of unfinished entries. most of the time, the idea comes instantly but it seems i'm having a little bit of difficulty sustaining the drive to write. maybe i'm losing it already, no? that or i am just too busy with my so-called life right now.

i would have wanted to write more about that day when jason decided to cook his pasta specialty for me. he made this wonderful carbonara that i ended up eating all by myself though he did manage to touch a spoonful after cooking. it was really a delight to my tastebuds but more than that, what i enjoyed more is watching him cook wearing only his red boxers. such a pretty, pretty sight. good thing it's all on video.

then there was this instance when we were about to sleep and he asked me if i wanted a massage. of course, who am i to say no, right? i was quite surprised since i didn't know he could do that. i stripped to my boxers while he went to the bathroom to get some lotion. who knew i was in for another surprise when he came back with nothing on. and so, that massage came with extra services on the side, all for free.

i would have wanted to rant about work, too. you see, october came and brought loads and loads of work for me. shutdowns are the busiest of seasons and what made this one more challenging is the fact that i have to report to work for 30 days straight. so for the mean time, no happy times for dear old john stan.

and zoom-zoom, yes, don't get me started with that little imp. oh, don't worry, he's all fine. it's just that he seemed to enjoy draining my bank account lately. from the annual insurance to the preventive maintenance, i spent more than 50,000 pesos already. and now, i have to replace all four tires if i still want to drive around accident-free. that's another 20k. great. just great.

i can't wait for october to end. come now sweet november and let the moolah start pouring!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

coffee break

i was half-smiling when i read about someone's latest sexual escapade. i don't know why. maybe because it reminds me of the time when i was still walking in his shoes. oh yes, when people were all too familiar with the name john stan and the adjective, verb and adverb it represents.

looking back, if it weren't for those moments of wild abandon, i wouldn't have met the tsunami of my phuket.

so you see, my "kalandian" paid off after all.


pasensya na sa mga kaibigang hindi ko masyadong nakakaharap ng face to face lately. medyo busy lang ang kumare ninyo. alam nyo naman, career-woman. plus, jason and i are planning something big next month.

you'll soon know why.


napansin ko lang.

kung kasinlaki kaya ng bibig ko 'yung nasa avatar ko, ilang saging kaya ang pwede kong isubo ng sabay-sabay?

oh my, talentado!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

zoom-zoom at two

it's been exactly two years today since i got you. at kahit magastos ang maintenance mo, i have never ever regretted getting you.

thank you for the more than 27, ooo kilometers of happy memories. you have been such a dear friend.

truly, i couldn't have asked for anything more.

Monday, October 4, 2010

another revelation

i have been in a relationship for almost a year already but i am still crushing on this korean-looking dude. the ad was taken a few years back so just imagine him hotter and more mature now.

naku po, baka may magsabing lumalandi na naman ako!

*photo posted with consent from owner.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

when september ends

"i think hindi naman siya talaga sa 'yo galit but with the idea that you can do what you do; like the things that clash with his beliefs."

this may not be his exact words but i guess that's how a friend wants his message to be received. o baka naman medyo bangag lang ako that time? tsk, tsk, tsk!

but admittedly, i thought about what he said. siguro nga, many of you were offended with the things that i did before. i cannot blame you for that since we were all brought up differently. and i myself was brought up to respect other people's opinions.

however, if you hate me because i can do the things that you deem dishonorable (tama ba?), then it's not my problem. i guess my only fault is that i failed to recognize how you really felt.

but you were my friend and i trusted you in more ways than one. i valued your opinion on certain matters since we go a long way - way way before all this drama in our lives unfolded.

now that i know how you really felt, the feeling is all mutual. i don't think i can ever trust you again anymore. you don't deserve it.

and yes, you are one of those i wouldn't regret saying goodbye to.


to you guys, thanks for the invite last monday. it was, indeed, a pleasant way to spend a monday night. jason sends his regards to all of you.

pasensya na, tahimik lang talaga 'yun. but he's very much aware of what's happening. na-shock lang. hindi sanay sa maraming bakla, choz!

Friday, September 24, 2010

of work and other opportunities

i realized i have been neglecting my blog lately. i've been too busy with work in the past weeks and the few times i was able to spare to update my journal saw me writing negative stuff about my… uhmmm… haters. (but now i would like to think of them as closet admirers, just for the fun of it.)

well anyway, as i have said, work has been eating most of my time these days. in fact, i just came from baguio for the acceptance testing of a new control system that we will be installing in our power plant a few days from now. aside from that, i have two more projects in line by mid-october. so yes, i am quite stressed to the highest level.

but i am enjoying my job so don't get me wrong. especially with the fact that i am in the position to demand and negotiate. i always hear my colleagues say that no one really is indispensable when it comes to work. this may be true but sometimes, the truth bends. so let me flourish in this state for now, hehe!

by the way, there's this agency in makati whose principal is a multinational company based in dubai. i really don't know how they got hold of my number but they've been bugging lately. they told me that my background fits the qualifications provided by their principal who's opening a new plant in that city.

the offer is a compensation package which includes free accommodations, allowances, state-mandated benefits, expat status and a salary triple of what i am receiving right now. sounds good, noh?


of course, i'd be branded as a fool if i won't consider such opportunity. but i did promise myself that if i can build a decent life here, i'd rather stay.

i mean, what really does a gay man need to live (aside from sex, echos!)? with my meager earnings, i was able to see my sister finish college. i can provide for my folks (not that they're asking). i can build my dream house. i can get zoom a new brother. i can eat whatever and whenever i want. i can provide for my needs and occasionally indulge with my wants. i guess, at this point, i'm blessed already and asking for more would really be too much.

plus, my home is here. the people i love are here. and no amount of money in this world can ever pay for the time that i can spend with them.

i guess, at the end of it all, what really matters is to know which are really important. as for me, my life is here.

hard, yes.

but i couldn't imagine it any other way.

Friday, September 17, 2010

to an ex-friend

ah yes, reading this piece brought a sudden inspiration to me. i don't know, maybe because i empathize with the author. there really are such cheap fellows in this world.

so lemme do a carrie here, only this time, more frank, more brutal. he's mabait kasi unlike me. and why not? i don't have any image to protect. i don't pretend to be a do-gooder. and when i'm bad, i am better.

so to you, an ex-friend,

punyeta ka!

you deserve it. and you know why.

both of you.

missing him

i've been here in the mountains for five days now and i'm missing my asawa terribly. everywhere i look, i see familiar places that remind me of our trip here together last june. if only he's here too, then work, no matter how difficult, will be much more bearable.

i miss hugging him when we sleep, kissing him whenever there's a chance. i miss our breakfast together and quick dinner at night during his work breaks. but more than that, i miss just seeing him, smelling his scent, feeling his touch.

absence truly makes the heart grow fonder. i can't wait for the week to end and be in his arms again.

- posted using blogpress from my iphone

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

a major major rant

disclaimer: to my readers, pasensya na. i will be setting aside my manners for a while to give way to this very important thing that i have to say.


kung sino ka mang tarantado ka na may galit o naiinggit sa amin, 'wag mong idamay ang partner ko. nananahimik siya at walang pakialam sa kagaguhan mo.

as i have written in my previous entries, my blog has already been revealed to him. i took that risk at masaya ako na in spite of the things that he found out, he still accepted me. and we're trying our very best to save all the good things that we have. sigurado hindi mo maiintindihan 'yun kasi wala ka namang bayag kaya nagtatago ka sa isang fake profile.

kaya tigil-tigilan mo na ang pagse-send sa kanya ng message sa facebook. tablado ka na sa akin gago ka!

and to even think of using the fake name na "john tan", konting originality naman, pare. tapos faceless profile pa. masama na nga ugali mo, duwag ka pa. kawawa naman ang nanay at tatay mo na nagkaroon sila ng anak na katulad mo.

and by the way, just so you know, may tracker kami and we know your IP already at kayang-kaya kong alamin anytime kung sino ka. kaya 'wag mo nang hintayin na mapahiya ka pa. believe me, i could be the evil stepmother you never had.

teka, baka naman it's the other way around. ikaw pala ang evil stepmom ko!

i should remind myself not eat apples from now on.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

revelations | part 3 that point, i see jason driven to the wall, and i, i could only hope for the best.

but heaven has been to good to us, or at the very least to me, for bestowing upon me a mature and understanding partner. jason is wise beyond his age and sometimes i wonder what good i did in the past to deserve such a blessing.

i remember writing before my hiatus that the plan is to build what was nearly destroyed. i guess, introducing john stan to jason is one big step towards achieving that goal. now, all my cards lay bare and i am only too glad that amid all the things he found out, he has accepted me, flaws and all. silly me for asking him why.

"love.", he says.

true, we are treading dangerous waters and who knows what other challenges we might encounter in the future. however, we have come to accept the fact that things will always be uncertain. no relationship is perfect and even ours will not be spared. but that's thinking forward too much already.

right now, what matters is that we have each other

and that should be more than enough.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

when coming out is not an option

after a short trip down memory lane, it's confirmed. i don't have any coming out story to tell.

and perhaps, years will pass and that same thought will never be entertained.

some of you may judge me for doing so. but in the first place, i don't seek anyone's acceptance. circumstances differ for each of us. believe me, i have a lot more to lose should i opt to come out in the open.

what matters is that i accept myself for who i am.

that is more than enough... for now.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

revelations | part 2

...and like any other person with whom such truth had been hidden, he's not very pleased.

and why would he be?

this blog is a testament of my wicked ways. at best, it illustrates the string of emotions and personalities i can conjure to justify all the actions i did in the past. true, our happiest of times were celebrated in many entries. but along the same line, the blog outwardly spoke of my faults, if not deceits.

yes, jason read it all and i distinctly remember the pain that evidently lingers in his eyes. and the fact that he really truly loves me intensifies that pain, reverberating in his inner being, taking so much of his strength as he tries to contain it from coming out.

i was lost for words. i hated myself. it pains me to see him suffering. a punch straight in the gut would have been better for i would have endured it more. but this one, this one is different. and the sad truth slapped me right smack on the face - i don't want to lose the guy but it seems, that is were we're heading.

at that point, i see jason driven to the wall, and i, i could only hope for the best.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

revelations | part 1

blogger friends often ask me if jason knows about my blog. most of the time, i'd say no and offer this explanation:

"there are a lot of things in my blog that are not very easy to digest. you know very well of the crazy things that i did before. but unlike you who are all very much accepting of such things, jason is different. he's sheltered and might not be able to understand that one person can go through such a phase. it is different from your point of view, knowing that you have followed my journey all this time. but to someone who will be reading me for the first time, without so much a grasp of what lies beneath each entry, it's very easy to pass judgment. of course, i look forward to the day that everything will be revealed to him, perhaps bit by bit as our relationship progresses. but until then, john stan will remain a mystery."

then that day finally came when this blog has been revealed and my biggest fears realized.

for now, jason knows.

and like any other person with whom such truth had been hidden, he's not very pleased.

Sunday, August 15, 2010


i thought i was ready to give it all up.

i thought i was ready to let go.

but i was wrong.

we had a long talk last night.

we poured our hearts out.

in the end, we understood each other and accepted our mistakes.

and we began to hope again.


john stan will be on blog hiatus for a while. what happened in the past days made me realize that i am no free spirit anymore and running away will neither solve my problems nor make me feel better. this time, i am allowing myself to face life head on and rebuild what was nearly destroyed.

i hope you're still with me when i get back. to all of you, my sincerest thanks.

Friday, August 13, 2010

the day is almost over

i need a break.

for all this drama is taking a toll on me.

i hope it's the 23rd already.

one week in a foreign country will surely clear my mind and cleanse my spirit.

not to mention the hot boys.

yes, i'm looking forward to all that fun.

for that trip, i'll be leaving everything behind.

and do what i do best.

but first, i just had to get through this day.

only a little more and it will be over.

right, it's supposed to be our ninth month together.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

from the third person

are they doomed from the start?

what they had was supposed to be a one-night-stand - boy meets boy, flirts, have sex, part ways. but that was not the case. the boys were really at it that they became constant companions.

days passed and the sex was getting lesser and they started dating more seriously. weeks became months and they finally decided to give it a go. nothing else mattered for they were both happy.

or so they thought.

eventually they found out that the world they built is far from perfect. but still they tried. after all, they have each other to lean on. they have their love. that was supposed to be enough.

but it seems, they were mistaken once more.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

caring no more

i guess at some point, you get very mad that whatever happens in the future, you started to care no more. and with that, i just want to say that i'm taking back my word - nakakasawa na rin pala!

here i am trying to be the better me and then i find out that all this time, he did not trust me fully. ganoon pala 'yun? nakakagago pala when you realize the fact na lahat ng actions mo pinagdududahan; that every time he opens my laptop, he's searching for something that would prove his allegations; that every time he has my phone, he's looking for something that would incriminate me.


tapos kapag nagtatalo kami parang ako pa ang laging may kasalanan to the point that i will ask for forgiveness even if i did not do anything wrong. shit! all the while i was thinking that it would be for the better not to engage into any argument. all the while i was thinking that i am being more mature and considerate not to entertain bad thoughts. hell, i was very very wrong!

one year of knowing each other and yet hindi pa rin pala kami talaga magkakilala. nine months into the relationship and it would still come to this - petty issues still result to huge misunderstandings.

and it's all really because of trust.

and i'm really really starting not to care anymore.

Friday, August 6, 2010

short and direct

mababaw lang pala ang tulog ko kanina kaya nagising ako sa text na 'to:

susko, sana naman nagpakilala muna. nasaan na ang obligatory asl, stats at pic questions?

hay naku, i swear, my past is haunting me already. sino kaya siya? makapag-shower na nga!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

even though

even though we go out every so often,

even though you stay at my place when you're off from work,

even though we have breakfast together three times during the week,

even though we regularly send each other notes and messages while working,

even though you're the last person i talk to before i sleep

and the first one i talk to when i wake up,

kahit pa ang attention span ko ay maikli at ang emotional intelligence ko ay mababa,

hinding-hindi pa rin ako magsasawa.

Monday, August 2, 2010

goodbye, officially

i went out on a date last saturday night. so what's new with that, you might ask. well, it was a date with an ex-boyfriend.

ang landi ko lang talaga, dabah?

he's been inviting me for the longest time since we crossed paths again but i see no reason to meet him so i always decline. however, this time, i obliged. because there's something i want to prove, not to him, not to anyone, but to myself.

and so we met at around 9:00 pm for a late dinner in timog. unlike before, the meeting was not awkward anymore and we were sharing stories about our lives since the time we parted ways. i told him about my relationships after him, careful though not to mention anything about jason. it was not yet time.

for his part, i found out that he had a girlfriend after me but it didn't take long for them to go on separate ways. after that, he decided to concentrate on his career full time. he admitted that he was very happy when i made contact again late last year. he knew i was mad at him but that meeting last september was the end of any animosity between us.

dinner was great and i sensed that he had no plans to go home yet. since there's a slight drizzle, he invited me to have coffee and hang-out in his car. i remember he mentioned before that he got one already but i've never seen it yet so imagine my surprise when he asked me to step inside a black mazda 3. his was a 2010 model and he showed me the car's new features.

o heto na ang hinihintay niyo.

i was putting a cd in his stereo when he started caressing my legs. getting no reaction from me, he then proceeded to open my fly. i was still silent when he held my face, his lips slowly meeting mine. i was checking myself for any reaction but i got none. and then an answer hit me straight on the head - his kiss was not meaningful to me anymore. even his touch fail to elicit any romantic feeling. in short, wala na talaga!

i slowly pulled away and faced him. and without much effort, i said no.


i was already on my way home but my parting words still echoed in my head.

"i have a boyfriend now and i love him. perhaps not as much as i loved you before but we're getting there. so this time, i ask you in peace, allow me to say goodbye, officially."

Friday, July 30, 2010

on a friday morning

i am now live-blogging here in a small coffee shop fronting the new dfa building in macapagal avenue near mall of asia. waiting ang beauty ko dito. kasi naman, bawal ang chaperon sa loob ng dfa premises. kaya eto, buti na lang may wifi.

jason is applying for his passport today. napaka-supportive ko lang, dabah? he will be joining me on my trip to singapore this december kaya keri na din. kaya lang, with him around, ibig sabihin ay behave na behave ako sa land of lah (sorry, judges!).

hindi na rin ako pwedeng tumira sa host ko kaya i have to book our accommodations na. and all plans to paint the town pink will not push through anymore.

hay, clean fun. di ako sanay. echoz!

Thursday, July 29, 2010

missed connection

oh yes, this is that one entry about you.

i knew you've been waiting for this for about six months already. this is supposed to be the entry that never made the cut. but i'm in such a foul mood today that i have thought of you. oh don't ask me why. i'm pretty sure you know all about it.

anyway, i was cleaning my iphone's yahoo messenger history when i saw our last exchange. do you remember that one-nighter? that one particular evening when i almost went out in the middle of the night (and a workweek) to meet you somewhere?

let me refresh your memory.

you: i did not invite anyone. i'm not ready. but you're an exception. i hope to meet you, if possible, tonight.

me: nah, i don't think so. we're not meant to meet yet. fate will definitely intervene. but who knows, i might just decide to drop by. i'll let you know.

you: fate will let us meet. i'll find you if you're here. tell me the color of your shirt. it can definitely guide fate faster.

me: basta, i'll let you know.

you: sige, pare. i hope tonight has been written in the stars... for us.

so there.

of course, we did not meet. i decided not to go to where you are.

yes, me. not fate.

after all, it was written in the stars that i will laugh at your last line. it's just too freaking cheesy.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

remembering cebu

i'm not really sure if this is an apt title. you see, what happened in cebu will remain in cebu. anyway, it's been what, like a year ago, and things like this are better left in the most distant part of the memory bank.

after all, it's not like we're meeting again. i have a boyfriend (at least i think i do) and with no plans whatsoever of visiting the south's queen city.

so imagine my surprise when i met him again face to face early this evening.

of all places, it has to be in my gym. but of course, he's quite popular now and my gym is known for sponsoring talents like him.

good thing i already saw him from afar. at least it gave me a few moments to prepare for the inevitable encounter. i'm not sure though if he will remember me.

as i approach the door towards the lockers, i saw him looking, his lips half-smiling. i nodded at him, acknowledging his greeting. oh yes, he did remember!

no words exchanged, only that fleeting slightly-awkward moment to reinforce that what we had, that one night we had, was a thing of the past. then again, it's not me in the awkward position.

after all, it was him who has more to lose. it was him,

my pbb alumnus.

- posted using blogpress from my iphone

Monday, July 26, 2010

the chase | part two

there were already two people in the sauna when i went in. barely ten seconds passed when i realized that i barged in at the wrong moment. it seems that the territory has just been claimed. one is obviously going for the kill while the prey sat there silently, anticipating what happens next. he then looked at me and nodded. i pretended not to notice, looked away and proceeded to sit near the heater.

the tension in the air continued to seep through my senses. it seems that my presence will not stop them and i will be the unwilling witness to a literally steamy encounter.

"you want it hot? i'll serve it to you hot.", my lips formed into a mischievous smile as i entertained the naughty thought. i put some water into the heater and watched the steam rise.

"hmm, let me see if you can do your thing in this heat.", i thought to myself.

just then, the prey stood up and went outside. i saw him going to the steam room. the other one rose from his seat and followed shortly.

i was pleased. i now have the whole sauna for myself. i slowly inched away from the heater, careful as the wood starts to burn my skin. i shifted to a more comfortable position, closed my eyes and let my thoughts wander.

a few minutes passed when i heard the glass door slide. i kept my eyes closed but i can sense movement inside the room. however, the one who came in remained standing and again, i felt that familiar tension. it then started to envelope me and i felt his gaze pierce right through.

opening my eyes slowly, i saw the guy from the locker room standing near the door. he was staring at me intently and his hard-on is plain obvious beneath his towel. i tried to suppress a naughty grin but to no avail. he caught my reaction, removed his towel and sat beside me.

to be continued...

Saturday, July 24, 2010

the chase

the minute i saw him inside the locker room, i knew he's trouble.

since i was in the area, i decided to try the timog branch of gold's. i've heard some very nice reviews of the place from my home gym in ortigas and i became curious as to what this branch can offer to us clients.

of course, when i said "offers", i meant the amenities of the place as well as other perks and benefits that are available to us members. and yes, i did want to check out the market that goes there. i'm pretty sure you know what i mean.

anyway, after an hour of cardio and 30 minutes of free weights, i decided to wrap up already. as i entered the locker room, i saw this mid-30s-looking guy staring at me. "trouble", i thought.

it's not that he's not good-looking. in fact, for someone his age, he looks definitely nice with bulges in all the right places. i just found it rude that he's staring at me as if i'm a tender piece of meat on his plate ready to be devoured. he should have been discreet with his actions but seeing that we are the only ones inside the room, he made no effort to hide his intentions.

i immediately stripped to my boxers, grabbed my towel and proceeded to the wet floor. after a quick shower, i went to the sauna.

to be continued...

Monday, July 19, 2010

another storm in the horizon

nakakapagod din pala 'yung laging nagpaparaya.

nakakasawa na rin pala na lagi na lang ikaw ang nagso-sorry kahit wala kang kasalanan.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

the night before

i guess the funny thing about my relationship is that for me, jason and i have two important dates - the day we decided to be together and the day i decided for myself that i will finally stick with him. [come on, it's not that big an issue so lower your eyebrows, my dear readers.] today, we celebrate the former - our xxth's monthsary.

but this entry is not really about that. well, sort of.

as today is a workday, we're very sure that we'll never have any proper celebration. i work during the day and jason does during the night. my time out is his time in. so what we did was meet up last night and just spend some quality time together. but of course, the quality time happened after my usual tantrums over the most trivial of things. okay, okay. i blame my very low emotional quotient for that. good thing, jason is just so mature for his age. see, we really do complement each other!

anyway, we decided to grab a late dinner at pasto in el pueblo. [gee, i'm endorsing now!] it was supposed to be a quick bite as it's past 10 pm already but we really enjoyed our time together that we decided to linger for a while. we were talking about the world cup when, out of nowhere, jason mentioned that he's quite good with flags. so we played a game.

and damn, he's good! out of the 30 or more flags that i showed him on my iphone, he managed to correctly identify everything but two - kyrgyzstan and congo. i was really amazed. and why won't i be? he was able to identify peru, belgium, mexico, argentina, brunei, vatican, iceland, british virgin islands, norway, siberia, jamaica, morocco and egypt. easy? well, even the likes of kiribati, curacao, papua new guinea, seychelles, turkmenistan, tanzania and nicaragua he got correctly. crazy, huh?

that's when i told him he's the love of my life. but he didn't buy it.

he said it's such a cliche' already. so he challenged me to up the ante.

john stan: uhmm, you're the center of my universe?
jason: ordinary.

john stan: uhmm, you're the pot of gold at the end of my rainbow?
jason: not good enough.

john stan: uhmm, you're the virus in my computer?
jason: you're using a mac.

john stan: wait. uhmm, you're the mildew in my toilet?
jason: gago! sige na nga, pwede na 'yung center of the universe.

and that, my friend, is the story behind my latest facebook shoutout which reads, "late dinner at pasto with the center of my universe". cheesy, i know!

of course, the story after dinner is much more exciting but better left untold.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

ménage à trois

three characters.

let's call them p, c and r.

two of them are partners.

the other two are best friends.

that's what they say.

funny, they always hang-out together.

all three of them.

even when the two partners

celebrate their special day.

both partners are quite a catch.

so is the best friend.

simply a wonderful set-up it seems.

hmmm, i guess i should go and ask p about the real score.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

buhay may-asawa

busy-ness kung busy-ness. 'yan ang drama ng buhay ko the last few days.

susko, nagtampo na nga ang asawa ko dahil hindi ko masyadong nadiligan ng ilang araw. at dahil sinabi ko sa kanya kaninang umaga that we won't be able to spend the day together on friday, hayun, naghalo na ang balat sa tinalupan.

para makabawi, i devised a very brilliant plan. hindi ako nagparamdam for the rest of the day. kunwari, nagtatampo din ako. and when he took his first break at 9:00 pm kanina lang, nagulat na lang siya because i was already there standing in front of their office's main door.

mabilisan lang dahil one hour lang ang break niya. we drove somewhere near and had a very nice dinner in a cozy restaurant na parang kaming dalawa lang yata ang customer. feeling ko naman, appreciated ng asawa ko ang effort kaya happy na din. at sa bandang huli, ayun ayaw ng bumaba ng sasakyan. tinatamad na daw siyang pumasok.


nagsumbong nga pala sa akin ang asawa ko. may dalawang beki sa office nila ang umaali-aligid sa kanya. 'yung isa, team leader mula sa ibang account. ma-effort ang beki, kinaibigan lahat ng tropa niya hoping that he'll get close to jason. pero dahil kilala na ako ng dalawa sa mga close friends ni jowa sa work, bantay-sarado siya.

pero mas nakakaloka 'yung isa. in many occasions na pupunta ng comfort room si jason, nakasunod ang bakla. one time, jason was all alone inside the cr when the beki occupied the urinal next to him. susko, naninilip ang ang loka. syempre nagalit ang asawa ko at nagsumbong sa team manager niya. pasalamat siya at 'di ko siya kilala, otherwise, baka kung saan siya pulutin. marami na kaya akong na-hit and run. echoz!


last bonding moment pala namin 'yung visit sa asilo de san vicente de paul last saturday. that visit has been a really wonderful experience to both of us that's why i want to thank mgg for extending the invitation. korek, na-introduce na ang asawa ko sa high society.

kaloka, muntik na din ako mabuking!

anyway, with migs' permission, here is the short video of that trip. nandiyan kami ni jason. hulaan niyo na lang kung sino-sino kami diyan. good luck.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

a new dawn

nalintikan na.

i was planning to retain the original look but somehow, i failed to download my old template and lost everything. oh well, it was probably the universe conspiring again to make me go towards that bold new image i'm thinking about.

now, would a new john stan even be remotely possible?

i hope.

and with that, i invite you to watch out for a more exciting,

more revealing,


laglagan kung laglagan na

what happens next, season 2.

Friday, July 2, 2010

a gentle reminder

guys, i have said it before and i will say it again,

"if we had sex on the first date, that means we'll never see each other again."

please don't think that i kept your numbers.

and more importantly, expect me to decline your invitation to meet again.

nagmamalinis na ko, ibalato niyo na sa akin 'yan...

Thursday, July 1, 2010

month-end | stressed

yes, i'm guilty. i bribed a certain mmda officer. i was too tired to argue with him and i can already sense the greed reverberating from his voice as he speaks to me. now, i'm off the hook with nothing else to worry about.

what a way to end the month of june!

but of course, there are still a few things to keep me busy:

- the preparation for the 30-day project is already underway. i have seven major upgrades and three regular personnel to delegate the task to. i'm not sure how we can pull it off but i'm hoping that my luck will help me finish everything. oh, good planning and hard work, too.

- my lola is still in the hospital. that explains the few updates during the past week as i go to the hospital every night after work. i'm happy that she's recovering well considering that she's 87 years old already. now i only hope that my wallet recovers at the same rate - lots of shopping to do.

- i haven't had sex for the longest time now. professional and familial obligations had kept me from meeting with the boyfriend. good thing he's sleeping over this friday night. that should be fun. at last, something to look forward to.

hay, i really need a good sleep. i hope july will be so much better.

Friday, June 25, 2010

a wireless experiment

my place has gone wireless.

akalain mo, kung dati-rati ay cheap na pre-paid broadband internet lang ako with my trusty usb modem, ngayon ay wireless na cheap na pre-paid broadband internet na. of course, still with my trusty usb modem na 48 years old na.

gulat kayo no?

well, ang set-up ay i-share ang 3G/3.5G broadband connection sa isang wireless network. so far, wala naman akong nakitang problema even when all my devices are connected - xtube is running in my macbook, planetromeo at irc sa netbook and grindr sa iphone. o dabah, ang laswa lang!

medyo mahirap lang maghanap ng router na capable mag-convert ng 3G/3.5G to wifi pero keri na din kung matyaga ka. and at 50 pesos for 24 hours of broadband connection, pwedeng-pwede na!

well what can i say? medyo cheap talaga ko paminsan-minsan. at ang matitipid sa internet, ibibili ng bonggang-bonggang bag for my macbook. syempre hindi 'yung pangmahirap. echoz!

Thursday, June 24, 2010

baklang post 3

i must warn you now, walang kwenta ang entry na 'to kaya read at your own risk na lang.

nakaka-miss gumawa ng kalokohan kaso lang may ultimatum ako sa asawa ko. kaya hayun, behave na behave ang drama ko ngayon. may pagka-seloso kasi si jason. pero sa totoo lang, hindi naman nakakasakal 'yung pagka-seloso niya, medyo nasa lugar pa naman. that, or i am just all too willing to tread the right path at tuluyan nang magpakatino. ayaw mong maniwala? tseh!

minsan nga, para lang kaming tanga. 'yung selosan moments namin, nahahaluan ng comedy. for instance, 'yung isang status message ko sa facebook. sabi ko dun, " i think i'm in love". aba, violent reaction ang lola ko!

jason: bakit meron kang "i think i'm in love" sa facebook?
john stan: wala 'yun. kalokohan lang namin 'yun ng barkada ko.
jason: baka meron kang iba ha, naku sinasabi ko lang. 'wag na 'wag kong malalaman!
john stan: wala. alam mo namang ikaw lang e.
jason: 'pag nahuli kita, puputulin ko titi mo.
john stan: kapag pinutol mo, itatapon ko na lang at ipapakain sa aso.
jason: aw aw aw!

kaloka lang, dabah?

oo nga pala, super-delayed na ang follow-up entry sa trip namin to the land of strawberries, peanut brittle at wagwagan (a.k.a. ukay-ukay). actually, wala namang gaanong big event na naganap. kasi naman, two days, one night trip lang 'yun. wala kaming ginawang dalawa kundi kumain lang ng kumain na parang lilitsunin lang kinabukasan. forget the diet muna and indulge lang. tapos nag-alay lakad kami sa naguilian para maghanap ng gay bar. echoz!

pagpasensyan ang larawan ng ilan sa mga nilafang namin.

pero ito pa rin ang pinakamasarap sa lahat.

anyway, nagconfirm pala ako sa invitation ni THE MGG sa isang gathering pagdating niya. at dahil mega-behave nga ang john stan, nagpaalam ako sa aking jowa. pinayagan naman ako ng lola ko ngunit, subalit, datapwa't SASAMA daw siya! haller, buking ever!

kaya sa mga makikilala namin 'dun, sorry guys but i won't be introducing myself as john stanley. at sa mga nakakakilala naman sa akin, mga 'teh, first name basis tayo, ha?

Thursday, June 17, 2010


pwede ka 'bang ma-starstruck sa isang taong hindi naman star? susko, what a lousy title i have! pasensya na, hindi pa rin kasi ako nakaka-recover sa chance encounter namin ni adonis* kaninang umaga.

ganito kasi 'yun:

tinanghali ng gising ang john stan kaya nagmamadaling gumayak para pumasok sa trabaho. kailangan kasing makaalis ako ng ortigas bago mag-alas-siyete ng umaga nang maiwasan lahat ng traffic sa kalsada. kaya hayun, from the 18th floor ng condo e super glide ako hanggang sa parking area. e ang hirap kayang mag-glide ng naka-high heels, no?

anyway, pagsakay ng kotse e start naman ako ng makina. habang nagpapainit, retouch-retouch ng konti sa salamin. syempre dapat kapag umaga, laging maganda. paalis na ko ng parking ng may biglang humarang na gray pick-up sa harapan ko. aba, mukhang namatayan pa yata ng makina! murphy's law isdatchu? wrong timing ka talaga!

nagbaba ako ng bintana para makita ng kung sino mang driver na 'to na salubong na ang kilay ko. naman, nagmamadali nga kasi e. ba-biyahe pa ko ng isang oras paakyat ng bundok. pero susko, biglang nagliwanag ang mundo ng magbaba rin ng bintana ang mamang driver. kahiya, tumulo yata ang laway ko. grabeeeeeh, ang gwapo!

at hindi pa nakuntento si adonis. napansin kong yumuko sya sandali at umangat naman ang hood ng kanyang pick-up. after that, bumaba na siya ng sasakyan. susko, 'teh, to the highest level na ito! ang adonis ay nakasuot ng bonggang-bonggang white sando at manipis na jogging pants. pumutok na lahat ng pwedeng pumutok, bumukol na lahat ng pwedeng bumukol. kaloka, bortang-borta! tulo-laway to the maximum level!

at ang john stan ay natameme na lang talaga.

adonis: pasensya na pare, nagloloko e.
john stan: uh huh...

umikot siya sa harapan ng pick-up at may kinutingting na kung ano sa makina.

adonis: nagmamadali ka?
john stan: uh huh...
adonis: sorry talaga.
john stan: uh huh...

muli siyang sumakay sa pick-up at binuhay ang sasakyan.

adonis: pasensya na ulet.
john stan: uh huh...

susko, talagang speechless ang drama ko. nawala ang lahat ng diskarte sa katawan. kasi naman, aga-aga pa, hindi ako ready.

on my way to work, napapailing na lang ako at natatawa. kaloka, hindi ko man lang nakuha ang pangalan ni adonis. buti na lang, natandaan ko 'yung plate number ng pick-up niya.

hay naku, i swear, we'll be meeting again soon.

*adonis - a man of incomparable beauty in greek mythology

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

good times | check

i was obviously boy-watching while walking uphill along session road on our way to sm baguio. for some reason, the long weekend attracted a deluge of hot hot men in this capital even if summer has already bade goodbye. of course, sino ba naman ako para magreklamo? keri na kahit medyo maulan.

john stan: hmmm, afam, check!

jason: shhh, gf yata yung kasama. i-congratulate natin si ate. may isa na namang pinay ang nai-ahon sa hirap, hehehe!

john stan: uy, ayun, dilf, check!

jason: di naman.

john stan: choosy ka pa e! ayun o, mukhang basketball player. panalo di ba?

jason: ok lang.

john stan: hmpf, arte naman nito. e 'yang sa kanan mo, yummy di ba? teka, mukhang familiar si koya.

jason: gago ka, ex- mo 'yan!

john stan: oo nga. teka, let me just say "hi".

jason: tseh!

john stan: ay sabi ko nga, sa 'yo na lang ako titingin e. susko, ikaw pa lang, achieve na achieve na!

jason: siguraduhin mo lang, ha? lagot ka talaga sa akin.

john stan: ok po. *took out his phone and logged in to grindr secretly*


the escape may be a bit short but it was indeed, pure fun. not all clean though, but nothing regretful, i assure you. more stories and photos to follow soon. i just have to get my wit back.

on a different note, i found out that a certain blogger/reader is spreading some not so nice rumors about me. i'm not sure what you're up to. heck, i don't even know who you are, at least at the moment, but i'll soon find out. trust me.

anyway, on such cases, i'd normally take you for granted. susko, hindi kita ikayayaman. but i'm in such a fighting mood today that i'm gonna be leaving you two words - putangina mo!

now, i'm off to get my manners back as well.

Friday, June 11, 2010

it's about time

i thought it was love at first sight.
but i just had to turn my back on you.

and i say "no" to you, too, no matter how exquisite you look.
soon we'll be together but not today.

because i already decided on what i really want.
and there's no point prolonging the inevitable.

i say, "hello, sleepless nights!".

photocredits: apple store

Monday, June 7, 2010

bloopers | the engineer

i swear, he just popped out of nowhere.

it's been months since i last heard from him and it was surprising that he made his presence felt again yesterday. i guess it's partly my fault. one of these days, i should probably phone him and apologize.

the engineer and i belong to the same profession. it's really funny how we met. of all places, it has to be in a convention sponsored by our professional organization. as we share stories, we learned that we took the board examination at the same time. we even attended the same review classes. we have common acquaintances in the field. my company is his company's client.

and we share the same secret.

and so, days after, we decided to meet up once again. we agreed on a later time since both of us are coming from work. after dinner, he invited me to his place "to get more cozy". and yes, we really did but i never expected that i was in for quite a surprise.

when my hand made its way inside his boxers, i felt that it was wet and sticky. i looked at him, my eyes questioning.

engineer: pre-cum. kanina pa 'yan habang kumakain tayo.

john stan: ha? e wala pa tayong ginagawa 'nun e.

engineer: oo nga, inisip ko pa lang kung ano pwede nating gawin, tinigasan na ko e.

john stan: apparently, hindi ka lang tinigasan, nilabasan ka pa.

i laughed hard, really really hard. and i can't force myself to stop. i just had to let it all out.

hayun tuloy, na-offend yata.

suffice to say, nothing more happened that night.

Friday, June 4, 2010

forgetting world peace for a night

nakakaloka na talaga ang reputasyon ko sa blogosphere. akalain mo, some readers really expected me to have some hot encounters with them kapag nagyaya sila. hello?

like i said before in previous entries, i may be a tease but i had never gone beyond teasing. at least not yet. uyyy, not yet daw! may violent reactions? tseh kayong lahat! hahaha!

anyway, i was chatting last night when i received a message from a reader. the exchange was fine initially until he started asking for details as to where i live, how i look like, what i want to do - that sort of stuff. when i declined his advances, he revealed his bitchy self. at since hindi naman ako busy last night, naisipan kong tapatan siya ng aking lavina arguelles-mode. sumaya tuloy ang gabi ko.

reader: i don't like your blog by the way.

john stanley: well, it was not written for you.

reader: well i guess so. duh.

john stanley: then don't read it.

reader: oh. i don't. did i say i read it?

john stanley: so how could you say you don't like it if you did not read it? crap! why did i even bother to argue with you in the first place? gee, sometimes i really forget my own rule of not stepping down to lower levels.

reader: ooh... classic line. that line is so... 90's. wala na bang bago?

john stanley: well, you're 30 years old. i'm pretty sure you're well aware of that, classic as you are.

reader: and you're 28... with a height of a 14 year old.

john stanley: hindi naman kasing-taba mo! plus, i have a model for a boyfriend. unlike you.

reader: gwapo naman ako.

john stanley: says you and your mom.

oh dabah! parang mga dialogue lang sa cheap na pelikula. i found myself laughing after reading the whole stuff. kaloka talaga. napikon yata ang lola ko, ayun tuloy, naglaho na parang bula.

let me make this statement, guys. polite naman ako, i think. pero kung bitchy ka sa akin, i can be the same to you a hundred-fold. fair's fair, right? kaya kung ayaw mong mapikon, be nice. who knows, i might get naughty. echoz lang!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

rainy days and mondays

let's see.

a not so busy day at work,

a nice dinner over grilled food,

an exciting movie date of fun and adventure,

sleeping together; naked bodies in tight embrace,

waking up with a kiss the next morning.

i guess some rainy days and mondays are not so bad after all.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

month-end | overcoming challenges

today's race capped my very challenging month of may.

the nature valley run held this morning is my first half-marathon and i really thought i had covered all grounds in preparing for it. as a matter of fact, i did not join any organized race for the past one-and-a-half month just to focus on my training. but unexpected things happened and i am just very thankful that i was able to conquer it albeit not achieving my target time.

i started strong for the first ten kilometers but bayani road challenged my threshold. crossing the 16-km marker, i started experiencing cramps on both my legs. "mind over matter", i was constantly reminding myself about this. however, the seering pain in my leg muscles are just too much to bear that i have to stop running from time to time. even walking the course became too painful and quitting the race came to mind.

i hit my first wall at eighteen kilometers. my legs became too stiff to move and i almost shouted in pain. it was then that i felt a tap on my shoulder and upon looking, a middle-aged guy told me that i can still do it. running past me, the other runners are offering words of encouragement. i kept hearing "kaya mo 'yan" from them making me push myself harder. "i will conquer this no matter what", i told myself.

i was already limping then but i tried to keep on running. passing the 20-km marker, i already know that i can finish it. however, about 400 meters into the finish line, my legs won't move anymore. i can feel my tears building up, both due to pain and frustration. one old runner stopped beside me, held my hand and guided me to walk but my legs still won't move. i just thanked him and ask him to go on since he's already sacrificing his personal time to help me.

my final push came from the crowd lining up the bonifacio high street. looking at them, i can see nods of support as if telling me to move on. i saw two blogger friends and they were equally supportive and encouraging. as if on cue, i felt my legs relax again and i started to run towards the finish line.

i crossed at 2:37:55. i guess it's still not bad for a first time.


may has become a month of challenges for me. work has been more demanding recently since another project is in the works. likewise, my relationship with the partner went through a very difficult situation. through it all, i tried to remain as positive as i can, believing that everything will fall into their proper places. i guess my race today underscores this as well as the fact that we only need to believe in ourselves to overcome all challenges crossing our path.

Saturday, May 29, 2010


i was looking at some photos from the recently concluded bench uncut go-see when i made a rather interesting discovery. you see, i saw someone from the past (let's call him mr. a) strutting his stuff hoping for one slot in the bench underwear show on july. he seems really confident in the photo and that mischievous smile could surely mean something. hmm... really interesting.

mr. a, circa 2009

of course, he was wearing the brand's undies in the go-see and the photos clearly illustrated all the lines and cuts that made him such a hot and desirable fellow. still, wearing that boxer brief on the ramp cannot really compare to wearing nothing in the confines of my room. i wonder, is it time to rekindle old ties?

syempre naman, joke lang! ang linis ko na kaya...

Saturday, May 22, 2010

baklang post 2

nakakawindang ang mga nagdaang araw. sobrang busy-busyhan sa trabaho ang drama ko kaya naman panandaliang hindi naramdaman ang aking nagniningning na presensya sa blogosphere. ewan ko ba naman kasi kung bakit ako nagtitiis dito e hindi naman ako nagpapakain at nagpapaaral ng sampung papa. echoz!

eniwey highway, after forty-eight years ay nakababa rin ako mula sa bundok ng tralala last thursday night. i swear, na-miss ko ang gym, ang condo at ang chuk-chakan naming mag-jowa. kaso, nakakaloka, may tonsilitis at sore eyes ang aking asawa. tigang na naman ang beauty ko nito. susko, every morning pa naman e uma-attention ang aking sundalo at pilit kong sinasabihan na tiis-tiis lang muna. ang hirap maging malinis!

kaya eto, so near and yet so far ang drama naming dalawa. ugh.

on a different note (note daw!), isa pang nakakalokang pangyayari ang naganap last wednesday. nagpa-appointment sa aking opisina ang boss ng isa naming supplier. syempre, prior to that e may-i-build-up-buttercup naman ang kanyang sales consultant; kesyo mabait daw, richie rich at bata pa. i was reviewing some documents when they arrived and when i looked up, susko, muntik na kong malaglag sa silya ng makita ko siya.

ang liit talaga ng mundo!

ayan tuloy, may textmate na naman ako.