Thursday, January 28, 2010

coming out... sort of | the conclusion

coming out... sort of | part one

coming out... sort of | part two

coming out... sort of | part three


the conclusion of our story happened in tagaytay one cold december afternoon. i was standing at the terrace of our hotel room overlooking taal contemplating whether i should go on with my decision. he was inside the room pretending to be busy with something else. i felt his sad gaze from afar and right then i knew that it would break our hearts if i go on with it.

but it must be done.


***

it was a sad break-up. but with the turn of events leading to that day, it seems we were both expecting that the end is coming. it was only a matter of who will initiate the final encounter; who's brave enough to say the final goodbye.

and in that paradise we parted ways; no promises made but with all hopes of better days ahead. back then, i cannot really say that what i've felt for bert was love. true, he held a special place that no other man before him was able to. he made me recognize a part of me that i was not aware of. and just the same, he made me realize that i was not ready to live this life.

in that cold december afternoon, up on the hills of tagaytay, we bade each other goodbye, turned our backs, never to cross paths again.


***

it was almost seven years ago when this story happened. after bert, i tried living the life expected of me, a straight man. but just like every one of us, we cannot always be straight as a ruler. a few years after, i started exploring the world and opened myself to its endless possibilities. i've met quite a lot, bedded some, got involved with a few, all the while believing that fate will determine what lies ahead for me.

but up to this day, one thing will remain certain.

bert was my first and all firsts are permanently engraved in our memories.


10 comments:

  1. Sweet yet sad... Sweet talaga ang mga firsts and I agree with you, they always have a special part in our hearts... Usually di sila nkakalimutan...

    Well goodluck sa future endeavors mo. Palink ha. :)

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  2. kay tagal kong hinintay to,,,syempre nag comment muna ako bago nagbasa

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  3. Kelangan ko yata mag refresh. Meron ba akong ganitong moment? Ehehehe.

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  4. bert, si bert. may naalala din ako sa pangalan na yan. haaay. hey john. ngayon mo lang pala na post itong last part. tagal ko tong inabangan. :D

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  5. hi there. though im just a random reader. i totall agree with you, nice post btw, and it's true that firsts always stay in our memories. but then for me, i have yet to meet my first, haha.

    Kcatwoman

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  6. :) good one! i like it.. super like it..

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  7. bakit yung first ko forgettable? panget yung carving sa memory

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