last night i re-discovered my humanity.
i must admit, i came to a point where i don't know what to do anymore. the great wall that i was able to build through the years came crashing down leaving my inner self exposed to elements i once thought i got rid of. i did not want to acknowledge this fact but it seems that the guy has really made a great impact on me, more than i have ever imagined, more than i have ever allowed for anyone who crossed my territories. every bit of self-confidence was lost and all that's left is the inner hope that in spite of what happened, things will eventually be alright.
and so i cried. i cried until my voice shattered, hoping that all the words that came out breaks along with it. i cried until no more tears fell, hoping that each drop will wash away all my pains. i cried until i fell asleep, hoping to wake up and realize that it's all a bad dream. hope, indeed, is what i'm holding on at the moment, dim as it may be.
my fortress fell; my sword, my shield, my armor, no more. i was defeated and the painful truth hit me again and again.
that cynic as i am, i am still all too human -
capable of feeling,
capable of pain.