Monday, August 2, 2010

goodbye, officially

i went out on a date last saturday night. so what's new with that, you might ask. well, it was a date with an ex-boyfriend.

ang landi ko lang talaga, dabah?

he's been inviting me for the longest time since we crossed paths again but i see no reason to meet him so i always decline. however, this time, i obliged. because there's something i want to prove, not to him, not to anyone, but to myself.

and so we met at around 9:00 pm for a late dinner in timog. unlike before, the meeting was not awkward anymore and we were sharing stories about our lives since the time we parted ways. i told him about my relationships after him, careful though not to mention anything about jason. it was not yet time.

for his part, i found out that he had a girlfriend after me but it didn't take long for them to go on separate ways. after that, he decided to concentrate on his career full time. he admitted that he was very happy when i made contact again late last year. he knew i was mad at him but that meeting last september was the end of any animosity between us.

dinner was great and i sensed that he had no plans to go home yet. since there's a slight drizzle, he invited me to have coffee and hang-out in his car. i remember he mentioned before that he got one already but i've never seen it yet so imagine my surprise when he asked me to step inside a black mazda 3. his was a 2010 model and he showed me the car's new features.

o heto na ang hinihintay niyo.

i was putting a cd in his stereo when he started caressing my legs. getting no reaction from me, he then proceeded to open my fly. i was still silent when he held my face, his lips slowly meeting mine. i was checking myself for any reaction but i got none. and then an answer hit me straight on the head - his kiss was not meaningful to me anymore. even his touch fail to elicit any romantic feeling. in short, wala na talaga!

i slowly pulled away and faced him. and without much effort, i said no.


***


i was already on my way home but my parting words still echoed in my head.

"i have a boyfriend now and i love him. perhaps not as much as i loved you before but we're getting there. so this time, i ask you in peace, allow me to say goodbye, officially."

21 comments:

  1. If I know, he would have said, sana sinapak mo na lang ako kesa mangyari sa atin ang ganito. Hahaha.

    Glad you have already moved on. Siya naman ang may hang-ups ngayon. :)

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  2. finally a time to move on..really move on.

    cheers to that stan

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  3. naka move on kana talaga or should i say "getting over the past"

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  4. hayyyyy.... magandang script sana ito para kay Chichi La Rue. Tsk!

    Malakas ba sa gas ang Mazda 3? (seryosong tanong)

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  5. awwww.... i so can relate.

    drama mode...

    pasok toni braxton...

    You, you are so yesterday
    Never thought you’d lose my love this way
    Now you come begging me to stay

    haaay.......

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  6. haaaayyy... buti naman naka move on ka na.. :)

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  7. John Stanley,

    I guess we say our goodbye many times. I know you felt happy that you felt nothing for him anymore, but I'm just curious if you also felt a little sad. That you feel nothing for him anymore.

    Kane

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  8. @mugen: hurting him was not my intention. all the while, i was thinking that it is, indeed, over. in the first place, he was the one who left me.

    but i learned to cope up with our situation. it was a great struggle and i know you understand the hell i've been through. i found my place at last and soon, i know, he will find his.

    @dave: thank you. yes, after more than two years, i have finally moved on.

    @maginoongbulakenyo: yes, one of my journeys has ended and that chapter has finally closed but i will make it a point not to forget for he is a testament of what i have become now.

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  9. @felipe: haha, ayaw ko ng chichi la rue. kung bel-ami sana pwede-pwede pa. choz!

    sa seryoso mong tanong, mas fuel-efficient ang civic mo pero i still won't exchange my zoom zoom for that. mas gwapo pa rin ang tsikot ko, hahaha!

    @ms. chuniverse: pasok 'yang kanta mo, winner! hahaha!

    @nicos: ang haba naman ng buntong-hininga na 'yan. sabi nila, ang "hay" daw ay determinant ng gayness level kaya ako ay "hay" lang. straight ako e. choz!

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  10. kane,

    i cannot deny the fact that i felt a little sad in knowing that i have moved on. for one, it means that whatever string of connection i have for the guy has finally been broken.

    however, he will still remain a big part of me and our memories belong to those i will forever treasure.

    i would be happier though when he finds the one person who could really, truly make him happy. he deserves his happiness, too.

    john stan

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  11. naks. winner ang goodbye line mo. pero in fairness, kahit papano may pinagsamahan naman din kayo kaya I understand kung nakakalungkot din mag goodbye sa kanya. pero the fact still remains, WINNER!! :)

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  12. The once full weave of interconnection now became a mere thread, easy to snap and easy to cut off.

    Pretty good analysis John Stan.

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  13. John Stan, =). I always tell my friends moving on is both a happy and sad moment, for exactly the reasons you just said.

    After all, at one point, we meant the world to each other. And now, we are strangers again.

    Kane

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  14. i am just imagining... pano mo nasabi yun sa ex mo!? really hate that part...

    hug & tap on your back john stan... and i admire you sa pagpapahalaga sa relasyon na meron ka ngayon even though you still have the feelings for him...

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  15. wag mo na pakawalan yang partner mo. he's changing you for the better.

    loved your comment on my previous post. so mature. so... not the john stan that i knew. ;)

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  16. @robert: i know. though i did not really mean to spite him, i think i have to be straightforward about it to send the message across.

    @guyrony: yes, but even though it's a mere thread now, the memories it bind will forever remain.

    @kane: a stranger again, yes. so another one-night-stand with him is possible in the future. lol. echoz lang, ang serious kasi natin.

    @popoy: it took me two years to finally say goodbye. i guess, at that point, i was really very very ready.

    @engel: tseh ka, mature-maturan naman ako, ha! seriously though, my partner now made me realize the person i used to be. sabi ko nga, i've been through a roller-coaster ride in the past year, lost in my journey, without a care in the world and he was the compass that guided me home.

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  17. Ex-boyfriends are landmines. Sometimes they don't work, sometimes they blow up all over your face.

    http://ficklecattle.blogspot.com/

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  18. wow! busog ka lang siguro nung time na yun. hahaha

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