Sunday, January 31, 2010

month-end | rediscovering the scene

i broke my word. i was at bed last night. for good reason, i assure you.

except for the hot go-go boys and a really crazy drag show, this o-bar in ortigas sucks. the place is quite small and the crowd is barely forgivable. after consuming the free beers, my companion and i decided to go all the way to malate and immerse ourselves into the bigger scene.

and so after a few minutes, we found ourselves inside the full-packed club we all know as bed; bumped into fellow bloggers who were dancing on top of the ledge with hands swaying up in the air in all directions. my feet were on full recharge as i myself was swinging like there's no tomorrow. fun times.

after the companion left, i found myself gyrating with a dance partner who was trying to mimic my every move. moments later, we were engaged in some steamy tongue-fighting right there in the middle of the ledge. keber lang...

names were exchanged and so were numbers. i would have brought him home but the kid is only 21.

oh well, there's always next time.

now, back to work, john stan...

Thursday, January 28, 2010

coming out... sort of | the conclusion

coming out... sort of | part one

coming out... sort of | part two

coming out... sort of | part three


the conclusion of our story happened in tagaytay one cold december afternoon. i was standing at the terrace of our hotel room overlooking taal contemplating whether i should go on with my decision. he was inside the room pretending to be busy with something else. i felt his sad gaze from afar and right then i knew that it would break our hearts if i go on with it.

but it must be done.


***

it was a sad break-up. but with the turn of events leading to that day, it seems we were both expecting that the end is coming. it was only a matter of who will initiate the final encounter; who's brave enough to say the final goodbye.

and in that paradise we parted ways; no promises made but with all hopes of better days ahead. back then, i cannot really say that what i've felt for bert was love. true, he held a special place that no other man before him was able to. he made me recognize a part of me that i was not aware of. and just the same, he made me realize that i was not ready to live this life.

in that cold december afternoon, up on the hills of tagaytay, we bade each other goodbye, turned our backs, never to cross paths again.


***

it was almost seven years ago when this story happened. after bert, i tried living the life expected of me, a straight man. but just like every one of us, we cannot always be straight as a ruler. a few years after, i started exploring the world and opened myself to its endless possibilities. i've met quite a lot, bedded some, got involved with a few, all the while believing that fate will determine what lies ahead for me.

but up to this day, one thing will remain certain.

bert was my first and all firsts are permanently engraved in our memories.


Sunday, January 24, 2010

why i can't hate my boss even when everyone else does

my boss is an ogre. he can be smiling the first minute and then fuming mad by the next.

he is the tyrant; his words are laws inside the plant. whatever his command is needs to be followed or else suffer the consequences. i have witnessed several instances wherein managers, both males and females, could not hold back their tears from his harsh words. some resigned, a few others still continue to put their patience to the test.

but he's always been kind to me. even from the start of my career here.

he opened a lot of doors; introduced me to the right people. he promoted me three times in two years which is quite an achievement in itself considering that i am working in a multinational company.

he seeks my opinion on company-related issues. he gives me voice to air my concerns. he puts my section in the company's priority list. whatever i need, i can easily request for funding. that's why people have been tagging me "anak ng diyos".

and now he added another figure to my salary.

seriously now, how can i hate the guy?

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

rules of engagement

if we had sex on the first date, that means we'll never see each other again.


now, if i behaved, know that you got my serious attention.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

updates, updates

i completed a ten-kilometer morning run last friday around ortigas in exactly sixty minutes based on my watch. at dahil adik ako, i even went to the gym to run in the treadmill and complete my free weights routine. sad to say, the morning activities took a toll on me and my legs were hurting the whole day. and with that, i became a couch potato after.

***

i was supposed to attend a friend's friend's wedding (yes, you read it right, a friend's friend) yesterday. the invitation says formal and i had my suit carefully laid on top of my bed by morning; clean, pressed and ready for me. however, i just remembered that zoom is still in the casa which means that i have to take a cab going to the wedding venue which is a good twenty to thirty kilometers from my place. suffice to say, i did not go and did the next best thing - continue my heroes season four marathon.

***

and since i'm glued on television, i declined three invitations for meet-up. funny because these guys who i used to chat with before were all in the area and they all decided to send me a message in almost exactly the same time. what's funnier is that one of them even lives in my building. good thing he doesn't know my room number.

***

what sort of image does my blog project of me?

you see, i was online at yahoo messenger when a certain rheyan sent me a message at my pingbox. he told me that he found my blog interesting and decided to share my page to his "tropa". now when i say "tropa", i did not mean his friends but the guys he regularly have sex orgies with. he told me that there were five of them in the group, all discreet, straight-acting men consisting of former classmates and office mates. they meet once a week in his house near quezon avenue, first, to have a few drinks and next, well, it's practically anything goes. how did i know? he described them in full detail, from this enrico guy with the biggest dick to this jarryd, the power-bottom.

anyway, the point is, they are inviting me for their next weekend's inuman and upon seeing their photos, the slutty side of me is more than willing to say yes. but the goody-goody john stan prevailed. sayang! hahaha, sayang daw! e kasi, nagmamalinis kaya ako these days...

***

earlier this morning:

boss: you did not report for work yesterday, why? where were you? you never even told us that you're not coming.

john stan: (in my most pa-cute, paawa, pa-guilty, emote acting) sorry sir, i've been too tired the past few weeks. i just needed another day of rest. blah-blah-blah... blah-blah-blah...

boss: pasensya ka na *******. talagang busy lang tayo ngayon. by february, in full swing na ulit tayo. don't worry, the company recognizes your efforts. alam namin ang malasakit niyo.

john stan: (thinking) hehehe, lusot!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

in 2010

i so love facebook now. it never lies.



i can't wait... teehee!

short messages to you four

to the one who held my junior while i was driving in the car,


in six months, you'll be back home in the philippines. i know i promised to meet you again. likewise, i agreed that we will let your cousin join us in our escapade. don't worry, i will keep my word. but as i have said to you before, that will be the last time. i hope you will soon realize that you have a family now who needs you by their side whenever you are here. if you want to play this game, you may continue to do so. but not with me.



to the one who woke me up for an early morning fun,


i know we already reached an understanding that whatever happens in the future will be left to time and fate. as i was thinking about you last night, i found myself smiling at the memory of you asking me permission to say "i love you". but then again, some things are not meant to be, even those that our hearts greatly desire. so i guess what i'm trying to say is that i will not be waiting for you. i will not hold on to your words.



to the one who i first invited to my bed,


you could be the trophy boyfriend i was looking for but then i realized that it's not a trophy boyfriend i want. still, i want you to know that i'm giving myself a chance to know you better; to find out who you are beyond the sheets that we shared. no promises, though. let's just see what happens next.



to the one who will be the next love of my life,


if you're not the one who i first invited to my bed then don't come just yet. i am not ready for you.

Friday, January 8, 2010

over now

but you put on quite a show, really had me going
but now it's time to go, curtain's finally closing
that was quite a show, very entertaining

but it's over now...

-excerpt, take a bow



***


we cannot always have what we want

i want you

but i can't have you

you want me

but i can't settle with what you're offering

life is not fair

but that's just how it is.


***


until then.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

ambabaw lang talaga

nagpaparamdam ka na naman. palibhasa, alam mong paborito ko ang mikasan choco pinipig at choco flakes from baguio kaya sinabi mong inuwian mo ko ng isang dosena. paano ko naman uubusin 'yang dami na yan e nagda-diet nga ako? tapos tukso pa 'yang dala mo.

sinabi ko nang tama na, 'di ba? persistent ka pa rin. pagkatapos mong mawala ng matagal na panahon, eto at bumabalik ka at kumakatok sa pusong sarado na sa 'yo. alam ko, chance lang 'yung nangyaring pagkikita natin sa boracay. ayaw kong bigyan ng ibang kahulugan 'yun. nagkataon lang na nagkatagpo tayo sa iisang lugar sa iisang panahon.

malinaw na sa atin ang lahat. wala ng dahilan para ibalik pa ang nakaraan.

pero dahil paborito ko nga ang mikasan choco pinipig at choco flakes, sige, payag na akong magkita tayo bukas. kailangan kumpleto 'yan. walang bawas. otherwise, magta-tantrums ako.

alam mo namang ganoon ako kababaw minsan. pero alam ko rin, isa yun sa nagustuhan mo.

i know i can get away with it.

see you.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

kwentong dugtong-dugtong

commuter na ulet ako starting today. renz was needed elsewhere so i have to give up my claim over the poor thing. hayaan mo na. after two weeks of use, i realized that it would even be very much cheaper to take a cab everyday than overspend with gasoline expenses. parang kumakain ng gasolina ang hinayupak. akalain mo ba namang seven kilometers per liter lang ang consumption at highway speeds!

pero ang arte ko naman kung magta-taxi ako araw-araw. prior to zoom-zoom, ordinary commuter lang din naman ako. i ride the tricycle, the local jeepney and the bus. kaya hindi pa rin ako mawawala sa maynila.

funny thing, kaninang paakyat ako ng antipolo, i found out na na-miss ko pala ang ganitong bagay. nakaka-miss makipag-unahan sa jeep at sa fx. nakaka-miss na makipagtawaran sa tricycle driver pagdating sa pamasahe. gulangan daw ba kasi ko e mas magulang pa ko sa nanay at tatay ko. hayun, nabigla tuloy siya sa layo ng byahe namin papasok sa planta.

'yun nga lang late ako sa work dahil tinanghali ako ng gising. nakalimutan kong sa ortigas pa nga pala ko manggagaling at alas-otso ang pasok ko sa trabaho. buti na lang at nasa good side ako ngayon ng mga bossing because of the successful implementation of our project last christmas. at ang award for a job well done, another project this coming april. ugh. mukhang for the "nth" time e sa work na naman ako magse-celebrate ng birthday.

tama lang pala at naka-schedule na ang cebu-bohol vaycay before the new project. at least bago man lang sumabak ulet sa trabaho e nakapag-unwind muna ko. pero hassle din ang preparation sa lakad na 'to. holy week pa yan ha at january pa lang ngayon pero fully-booked na ang flights. kaya for this trip, john stan will be flying business class.

ano bang meron sa business class ng pal? it would be my first time with them and i don't know what to expect. i've flown with lufthansa and northwest before and their services were both outstanding. gwapo pa ng mga flight attendants and the on-board meals were really nice. corny, ikumpara daw ba e mahigit isang oras na byahe lang naman ang manila-bohol.

pero medyo matagal pa naman ang summer. meron pa kong ilang buwan para paghandaan ang pagbibilad ng katawan sa beach. lalo pa ngayon na katatapos lang ng holidays kaya lalo pang dumami ang kailangang ubusing oras sa gym at exercise para maabot ang aking goal na magsuot ng super skimpy swimming trunks sa panglao. yes, you read it right. hindi jersey o board shorts kundi super skimpy swimming trunks, hahaha! bakit ba? walang basagan ng trip.

and speaking of trip, napansin kong nabawasan ang gimmicks ko lately, para sa isang katulad kong bi-curious tripper in the closet, this is a welcome development. it could mean three things: busy sa ibang bagay, tinatamad o walang gana (which is not good), o may seryosong kinakarir.

si john stan, seryoso?

sasagutin ko na rin ang sarili kong tanong.

"wehh!"

Sunday, January 3, 2010

nakikiuso lang

masyado yata akong naging pre-occupied nitong nakaraang araw kaya ang traditional na new year's resolution making ay nakalimutan ko nang gawin. hayaan mo na, third day of the year pa lang naman, pwede pa akong humabol. ay, oo nga pala, today is also the first sunday of january. happy three kings, guys!

now, ano bang resolutions ko for next year? sa totoo lang, medyo nahihirapan akong mag-isip dahil wala naman talaga kong gustong baguhing bagay sa sarili ko. wala naman akong bisyo. hindi naman ako nagyoyosi at social drinker lang din. hindi rin naman ako nagsusugal. pambababae? naman!

if there's anything that i would want to accomplish for the year, that would be to continue what i have started and do things the way i've done them in the past except that this time, i'm gonna be doing them better. the past year has brought a lot of lessons and experiences to me and i think it's just right and proper to use them as tools in achieving improved results.

ang kaso mo, while i was reviewing my finances, i just realized na napakagastos ko pala this year. according to my books, dapat daw, milyonaryo na ko. syet! saan na sila napunta lahat? isa lang naman ang natatandaan kong malaking gastos and that is the initial payment for the condo in eastwood. so there; i better start keeping track of my expenses now.

on a different note, i am now halfway through my ten-year plan and it's great to know that i am still on schedule. if all goes well, i'd be retiring on 2014 at 32 years old. ang saya lang ng buhay, di ba?

so ang bottom line ng post na ito, tipid, tipid, tipid!

question is, kaya ko kaya?