Wednesday, March 31, 2010

month-end | kung kiligin ay tatlong patak

minsan ay iniisip ko kung paano ba talaga ang ma-in love. nakakahiya mang aminin na dumating ako sa edad kong ito ngunit hindi ko pa rin kayang sagutin ng tama ang tanong na 'yan. madali namang sabihin na iba't iba ang konsepto ng salitang love sa bawat isa pero nakasisiguro akong may isang bagay pa rin na common sa lahat ng taong makulay ang buhay pag-ibig. and i guess, this common thing is the one formula that remained elusive to me all these years.


***


sa isa sa aking mga huling entry, isang reader ang may lakas ng loob na nagtanong, " masarap ba ang may boyfriend?".

kung tutuusin, madali naman sana siyang sagutin ng yes or no at 'wag ng mag-elaborate pa. kaya lang, siguro nga ay panahon na ring mag-reflect naman ako sa sarili ko para malaman na kung saang direksyon ko ba talaga gustong pumunta. hindi naman siguro kaila sa inyo na lately ay magulo ang samahan namin ni jason. to escape is easy, i know. but for what? i realized that escaping is what i have been doing all this time. look where it brought me.

"pero masarap nga ba ang may boyfriend?"

i must admit, sa lahat ng ayaw ko e yung mino-monitor ang bawat galaw ko. nakakainis kapag lagi kang tinatanong kung nasaan ka, kung anong ginagawa mo, kung sinong kasama mo, kung kumain ka na. minsan, daig pa ang pulis sa dami ng tanong.

sa isang banda, nakakainis din naman lalo kapag lumipas ang isang araw e hindi man lang magparamdam sa 'yo. iniisip mo na lang tuloy kung ano na kaya ang nangyari sa mokong pero dahil sa sobrang taas ng fried chicken mo e ayaw mo pa ring hanapin.

"so masarap nga ba ang may boyfriend?"

john stan is a free and independent spirit. sanay akong pumupunta sa kung saan ko gustuhin. sanay akong gawin ang mga bagay na hindi ko na kailangan pang magpaalam sa iba. pero dahil may boyfriend ka na, kailangang ipaalam mo sa kanya 'yung mga ganitong bagay. in fact, 'yan ang reason kung bakit 'di na ko nakapunta sa bed lately. linis-linisan ang drama ni jason kaya pati ako linis-linisan din.

on the other hand, dahil may partner ka, you keep yourself in check. iniisip mo rin naman kasi na baka makasakit ka ng damdamin ng tao. you learn to be responsible with your actions because you're no longer the only one at stake. isa pa, nakakatipid ka rin kahit paano dahil 'pag tinotoyo si partner, nanlilibre.

"e di masarap nga ang may boyfriend?"

admittedly, nabawasan ang sex life ni john stan. tama, partida pa yan, ha! nabawasan talaga. since committing to jason, i became mayumi, dalisay and busilak again. true, i faltered once and you all know about it. but i have always been honest in all my relatioships kaya sinabi ko pa rin 'yun sa kanya.

"so hindi masarap?"

marami pang pros and cons ang nag-away-away sa utak ko. 'yung ibang bagay, masyado ng trivial para pagtuunan pa ng pansin. sa mata ng marami, going into a relationship entails a lot of efforts and sacrifices. pero kung masaya ka naman, siguro hindi effort at sacrifice ang dapat na itawag doon. hindi ko rin gustong gamitin ang word na compromise dahil ang relationship ay hindi naman isang negosasyon. mas importante pa rin na nagbabago tayo hindi dahil gusto nang partners natin kundi dahil tayo mismo ang may kagustuhan.

at the end of the day, we ask ourselves, "masaya ba ako?"

the answer to that is the only thing that matters.


***


my partner and i had a long serious talk a few nights ago. in spite of what happened, we both decided to give this partnership another shot. siguro nga talagang ganoon, hindi lahat ng laban ay dapat isinusuko ng ganoon lang kadali. nakakatawa, masyado kaming seryoso 'nung nag-usap. he was assertive and i was forgiving. kung tutuusin, sabi ko nga, kayang-kaya ko ang basta-bastang tumalikod pero hindi ko ginawa.

siguro nga in-love na ko sa loko!



Monday, March 29, 2010

blind item | secret lovers

disclaimer: ang mga taong involved ay hindi pinangalanan pero ayos lang mag-react. pwedeng magalit pero ang magagalit ay pikon. at guilty.


ewan ko ba naman sa dalawang ito at hanggang ngayon, ayaw pa ring umamin sa kanilang relasyon. talagang ayaw nilang ipaalam sa mundo ng blogosphere ang namamagitan sa kanilang dalawa.

in fairness, maraming buwan na rin ang binilang 'nung maging sila. at sa sobrang galing nilang magtago, muntik nang hindi makarating kay john stan ang mabuting balita. pero sabi nga, may makaliligtas ba sa akin?

may utang sa akin si blogger 1 dahil hindi pa niya pinapakilala ng personal si blogger 2. nangako kaya siya, hmpf. huy, 'di ko lalandiin ang partner mo, pwamis!

anyway, mabuti na rin sigurong nawala sa blogging limelight si blogger 1 dahil mas naalagaan niyang mabuti ang kanilang relasyon. pagkatapos ng kanyang "mara clara"-mode, panahon na talagang makita niya ang kanyang happy ending.

sino sila?

si blogger 1 ay stariray at magaling sumayaw. in fairness, may confidence ang lolo ko.

si blogger 2 ay mailap sa blogosphere pero marami na rin ang nakakakilala. at dahil di pa kita nami-meet, tatawagin kitang "hoodie".

yun na!


- posted using blogpress from my iphone

Saturday, March 27, 2010

good times | guilty

we were crossing the street when i saw this really cute hunky mestizo wearing the most tight-fitting top. and just then, time stopped dramatically.

jason: umayos ka! tumutulo na naman ang laway mo.

john stan: ako? hindi kaya. *defensive*

jason: hoy, kilala kita. alam kong mga ganyang gwapong mestizo ang weakness mo!

john stan: oo na, kaya nga boyfriend kita, eh! ang cute mo lang 'pag nagseselos, hehehe!

jason: lagot ka mamaya sa taas.

john stan: ay, tara, let's go!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

dear john | the prospect

dahil pangarap ko ding maging inspirational diva katulad ni migs at tristan, i opened up an account in another site to be able accept messages from my dear readers. after all, i'm pretty sure, marami rin naman kayong matututunan sa mga pagkakamali at kalokohan ko sa buhay. i will try to give my very best advice pero ingat lang, i just want you guys to know na isa akong kunsintidor.

and so, for it's first installment, here is a letter from jp.


xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox


hello john stanley,


i was going to comment that it would be difficult to get to know you through your mask when you yourself keep your face hidden in your profile. i suppose one has to read your blog to look further within.

i guess the question here is: is your face picture worth a thousand words? :)

i'll be honest and say that i'm looking for either friendship or a hook up (not a relationship). i suppose it's john for friendship and stan for a hook up, right?

who are you at this particular time?

k!

jp


xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox


jp,


nakakaloka ka, koya!

discreet ang drama ko kaya wala akong face shots sa mga profiles ko. but more than reading my blog, you have to personally see me to know the real me. kaya lang nakakatakot ka, koya. sa photo mo, parang pinandidilatan mo ko!

right now, i am bordering between the traits of john and stan. now, you make up your mind. in writing me, what was your real intention? you said, you're in for either friendship or a hook-up. i don't hook up with prospective friends and much the same, i don't befriend those i hook up with.

i can be john or stan depending on the circumstances.

you choose.


john.stan.today@gmail.com

postscript. parang hindi yata inspirational ang kinalabasan nito.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

a prelude

i'm not sure if it was mere coincidence but one hour after posting my last entry, i received a really really short e-mail from partner saying,

"sorry... lets talk one of these days."

interesting.

i know that line all too well.

Monday, March 22, 2010

oops, i did it again

last night was one of my best sex ever.

in fact, i can still feel a slight tinge of pain in my pelvic area with all that pounding i did in the kitchen counter top, in the sofa, in the bathroom, in the floor, in the dining table, in the bed, and in the terrace overlooking crowne plaza.

it was the culmination of a two-week-long drought that saw me engaging with a few meet-ups and escaping at the right time.

this is what happens when partner goes away without telling me where he's gone, not answering my calls and not replying to any of my messages.

doing it without any remorse, i say stan has resurfaced.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

interpreting data

ayon sa planetromeo, mas maraming bakla sa kyusi.

pero mas maraming baklang malibog sa makati.

makati is really living up to its name.



pansinin ang
data sa pasig.

isa diyan si tristantales.

bwahaha!

peace, my friend. =)

Thursday, March 11, 2010

beneath the surface

"sa ganda mong 'yan, dapat pokpok-mode ka lang."

***

i would have to admit,
seducing others has been quite easy
especially these days.

a simple play with words,
calculated gaze, hidden messages
from one's simple movement.

you read naughty stories
of conquests and adventures,
thinking that such happen in the present.

this is what i have to say.
i may be a tease
but i haven't gone beyond teasing.

not since i committed to jason.

***

improving, di ba?

Saturday, March 6, 2010

super idol (muntik ng maging april boy)

kanina, may nagyaya sa akin.
taga-15th floor daw siya.
sa building ko rin.
naalala kita.
at kung paano ka nainis sa elevator.
kahit hindi mo nakita ang view sa bintana,
maganda naman kamo ang sahig at banyo.
at dahil birthday mo,
tinanggihan ko siya.
ang linis ko lang 'di ba?

wehehehe!



haba birdie, tristan!

Thursday, March 4, 2010

blind item | i like you before i saw you

disclaimer: ang mga taong involved ay hindi pinangalanan pero ayos lang mag-react. pwedeng magalit pero ang magagalit ay pikon. at guilty.



sa sobrang tuwa ni blogger 1 kay blogger 2 ay nadala siya sa mga kwento nito. hindi nakapagtataka dahil tunay namang may talent sa pagsusulat ang huli. bukod pa rito ay nakasanayan na rin ng blogger na ito na magpaskil ng kanyang katawan. kaya ang blogger 1, ayun, sobrang na-curious.

dahil sa twitter ay nagkaroon ng correspondence ang dalawa. nagpalitan din sila ng facebook accounts. at doon nila nakita ang tunay na hitsura ng isa't isa.

in fairness naman kay blogger 2, ayos naman siya although ordinary lang. kaso si blogger 1, medyo nagmamaganda.

kaya ang ending, nothing!

sino sila?

si blogger 1 ay mahilig kumandirit kung saan-saan. si blogger 2 naman ay member ng isang nagpapakalalaking grupo.

yun na...



- posted using blogpress from my iphone

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

a close encounter with botox

i was approaching the bar counter when i noticed the old lady talking to the towel attendant. i did not realize it at first but i sure thought that there was something different about her face.

they were obviously gossiping and i see the attendant giggling from something she just said. and then it hit me.

the old lady has no facial expression.

scary.

really really scary.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

power


"i'm back in manila."

***

i first noticed him while i was running in the treadmill. surely, no one will miss his towering height and mestizo features. while there are a lot of models at the gym that night, he was able to make his presence felt. he has that air of confidence around him. he exudes that "i don't give a damn" presence.

he is obviously a man of power. he exhibits that kind of aura belonging only to the top brass. and i, obviously, was mesmerized.

from across the room, i examined his every actions, trying to find even the smallest of hint that will give away any hidden personality. from where i was standing, he looked every bit straight. but as the saying goes, looks can be quite deceiving.

i tried taking my mind away from him and concentrate on my work out. any minute now, my trainer will come back to see how i am doing with my new routine. i was only halfway through my schedule for the night and there are still a lot more to do. but i admit, his presence continued to tease me, even as i tried to put it at the back of my mind.

half an hour later, i was alone and sweating it all out in the dry sauna when he came in. i was seating at the far end of the room and he was standing near the door. from where i am, i can see him stealing glances at me. i looked at him and acknowledged his presence. he walked towards me and sat by my side.

with only a piece of towel covering his nakedness, i can still sense that power. i thought i heard him speak but was not sure as my mind was wandering. i looked at him and realized that he was, indeed, talking to me.

the conversation was friendly in nature. i found out he's from the city of angels and was only on a business trip for a few weeks. he is pure filipino.

imagine this: there i was, seated right next to a hot guy with only the two of us inside a hot room and we were just talking. i almost resigned to the fact that the guy is straight when, out of the blue, he put his hand on top of my legs. i searched his face for answers but instead of that brooding look, i saw a naughty smile.

and in that little room, he exhibited his power,

the power that i eventually conquered.

***

"i'm back in manila."




photocredit: solarbody

Monday, March 1, 2010

month-end | a gem for february

it's not amethyst. the gem's name is jason.

we've met under very ordinary circumstances. coming out hungry from the gym, i decided to do a quick stop at a fastfood restaurant somewhere in libis. there i found him sitting in one of those small round tables with a girl. he was looking at me when i came in. being the tease that i am, i looked back. no, i think i stared. one, two, three. then a naughty grin. alam na...

and this happened many months ago.

that supposed one-night encounter was repeated many times. of all those i brought to bed recently, he was the only one i kept in touch with. his was the only mobile number i saved. with him, i broke my sacred rules and did not even bother to reason with myself.

and yes, he's the one i first invited to share my bed.

but now, he's more than just a bed partner...

for our journey together has finally begun.