Sunday, May 30, 2010

month-end | overcoming challenges

today's race capped my very challenging month of may.

the nature valley run held this morning is my first half-marathon and i really thought i had covered all grounds in preparing for it. as a matter of fact, i did not join any organized race for the past one-and-a-half month just to focus on my training. but unexpected things happened and i am just very thankful that i was able to conquer it albeit not achieving my target time.

i started strong for the first ten kilometers but bayani road challenged my threshold. crossing the 16-km marker, i started experiencing cramps on both my legs. "mind over matter", i was constantly reminding myself about this. however, the seering pain in my leg muscles are just too much to bear that i have to stop running from time to time. even walking the course became too painful and quitting the race came to mind.

i hit my first wall at eighteen kilometers. my legs became too stiff to move and i almost shouted in pain. it was then that i felt a tap on my shoulder and upon looking, a middle-aged guy told me that i can still do it. running past me, the other runners are offering words of encouragement. i kept hearing "kaya mo 'yan" from them making me push myself harder. "i will conquer this no matter what", i told myself.

i was already limping then but i tried to keep on running. passing the 20-km marker, i already know that i can finish it. however, about 400 meters into the finish line, my legs won't move anymore. i can feel my tears building up, both due to pain and frustration. one old runner stopped beside me, held my hand and guided me to walk but my legs still won't move. i just thanked him and ask him to go on since he's already sacrificing his personal time to help me.

my final push came from the crowd lining up the bonifacio high street. looking at them, i can see nods of support as if telling me to move on. i saw two blogger friends and they were equally supportive and encouraging. as if on cue, i felt my legs relax again and i started to run towards the finish line.

i crossed at 2:37:55. i guess it's still not bad for a first time.



***

may has become a month of challenges for me. work has been more demanding recently since another project is in the works. likewise, my relationship with the partner went through a very difficult situation. through it all, i tried to remain as positive as i can, believing that everything will fall into their proper places. i guess my race today underscores this as well as the fact that we only need to believe in ourselves to overcome all challenges crossing our path.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

go-see

i was looking at some photos from the recently concluded bench uncut go-see when i made a rather interesting discovery. you see, i saw someone from the past (let's call him mr. a) strutting his stuff hoping for one slot in the bench underwear show on july. he seems really confident in the photo and that mischievous smile could surely mean something. hmm... really interesting.

mr. a, circa 2009

of course, he was wearing the brand's undies in the go-see and the photos clearly illustrated all the lines and cuts that made him such a hot and desirable fellow. still, wearing that boxer brief on the ramp cannot really compare to wearing nothing in the confines of my room. i wonder, is it time to rekindle old ties?

syempre naman, joke lang! ang linis ko na kaya...

Saturday, May 22, 2010

baklang post 2

nakakawindang ang mga nagdaang araw. sobrang busy-busyhan sa trabaho ang drama ko kaya naman panandaliang hindi naramdaman ang aking nagniningning na presensya sa blogosphere. ewan ko ba naman kasi kung bakit ako nagtitiis dito e hindi naman ako nagpapakain at nagpapaaral ng sampung papa. echoz!

eniwey highway, after forty-eight years ay nakababa rin ako mula sa bundok ng tralala last thursday night. i swear, na-miss ko ang gym, ang condo at ang chuk-chakan naming mag-jowa. kaso, nakakaloka, may tonsilitis at sore eyes ang aking asawa. tigang na naman ang beauty ko nito. susko, every morning pa naman e uma-attention ang aking sundalo at pilit kong sinasabihan na tiis-tiis lang muna. ang hirap maging malinis!

kaya eto, so near and yet so far ang drama naming dalawa. ugh.

on a different note (note daw!), isa pang nakakalokang pangyayari ang naganap last wednesday. nagpa-appointment sa aking opisina ang boss ng isa naming supplier. syempre, prior to that e may-i-build-up-buttercup naman ang kanyang sales consultant; kesyo mabait daw, richie rich at bata pa. i was reviewing some documents when they arrived and when i looked up, susko, muntik na kong malaglag sa silya ng makita ko siya.

ang liit talaga ng mundo!

ayan tuloy, may textmate na naman ako.

Monday, May 17, 2010

living today

i was looking at our photos from last friday and i can't help but smile as i was reminiscing how perfect that day was.

you know how i relish the experience of waking up very late during fridays but we already planned this trip weeks before and i didn't mind getting up at four in the morning to fetch you from work. of course, it would only be a small sacrifice on my part compared to yours considering that spending the day with me would mean you will not be able to sleep at all. but like you said, we're gonna be together and that's all that matters.

we had a nice hearty breakfast overlooking the lake and you did not mind that i have to take some time off to finish a few stuff from work. as always, while i am busy, you have my iphone to keep you company. i really don't understand your big fascination with that bad apples game but seeing your face light up everytime you finish a stage is already enough for me. that and the huge cup of cheesecake-filled frozen yogurt.

we were supposed to go and try the zipline but you said you want a quieter place so i just decided to take you to a secluded meadow at the back of this famous church on top of the hill. good thing we have our all-around mat in zoom's trunk as we were able to use it when we sat down on that nice little grassy spot. since we had the place all to ourselves, we never had any problems getting cozy, stealing a few kisses from time to time and you lying down with your head on my lap. yes, we were a picture of a sweet couple but it's too bad that we only get to do it secretly. oh well, i guess what we can do right now is just settle for what we can get.

looking at your face while stealing a catnap, i can't help but think how long we can keep our journey together. we are both not out to our families and sooner or later, they will begin asking questions about our separate futures. time will come that we have to deal with all these questions and i just hope that whatever happens in the days ahead, heaven will still find a way to smile upon us.


but the future can wait. let's just live and be happy today.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

here we go again

a very recent facebook conversation between me and the lawyer-ex.


lawyer-ex: laki pinayat na ah, ayus! hehehe...

john stan: thanks. adik e.

lawyer-ex: oh really now? hehehe! musta pare?

john stan: ayos lang. no reason not to be good.

lawyer-ex: ah mabuti naman. you always swear on your shoutouts though but it's good to know that things are working perfectly for you.

johnstan: hahaha! spur-of-the-moment shoutouts that need to be purged immediately. but all's well. i hope you're doing great, too.

lawyer-ex: im doing good. sobrang busy mo na ata ah? coffee naman tayo sometime, kwentuhan lang.



here we go again. now, what should i do?

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

the parable of the twin phones

i don't know if it was just mere coincidence that my mom's phone decided to break down days before mom's day. the poor thing has been hanging on to dear life for as long as i can remember but knowing how tight her grip is when it comes to money matters, that nokia 3310 that i gave her six years ago will definitely live to see its last breath.

and because the universe conspired that the gadget's demise fall on this occasion, i just told her that i'll be buying her a new one since i'm going home to the province anyway. from miles away, i can only imagine her gleeful nod at the thought of getting a new phone for free. yes, that would be a thousand more "pogi" points for his favorite son.

pero dahil etchoserang froglette din ang tatay ko, i received this message from him shortly after that small chat with my mom.

"nagha-hang na din ang cell phone ko."



- posted using blogpress from my iphone

Saturday, May 8, 2010

happy pekpek

jason and i kissed and made-up last night. well, actually, what we did was more than kissing and making up but that would be too much to write already. e napaka-private ko kayang tao, di ba?

sa mga hindi nakakaalam, we've been together for almost three months now but we've known each other for about nine months already. i guess, like me, he's not yet ready to throw away all that time we shared together. and just as i hoped that everything will turn out well in the end, he, too, was wishing that this petty misunderstanding will not tear our relationship apart.

i appreciate the fact that the guy has an open mind. and never did i see anyone so serious and crazy about me not only in the sexual kind of way. that he loves me is even more apparent now. i can see how his eyes brighten up with my smile. i can feel how my touch calms his spirit. i can see how he's happy seeing me happy. i guess i have been too blind before to notice these things.

but not anymore.

because he made me see the real beauty in him. that within the already beautiful facade lies a person with an even more beautiful heart.

and i'd be an ass to throw it all away.

waking up together this morning, we were greeted with a promise of a bright new day. now, more than ever, we are more confident that whatever challenges we encounter along our journey, we can successfully hurdle them

as long as we are together,

and staying true to each other.


***

to my facebook buddies who are curious about him, jason is my newest friend.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

afterthought

i haven't been intimate with anybody else since we got together

and i can't understand why you don't believe that.

because you did not trust me enough, i tried to rebel.

to the 35th floor i went where another willing soul is waiting;

his nakedness glowing inside that dimly lit room;

his eyes inviting, filled with desire.

i stood there looking at his every move

but then i thought of you

and i just had to walk away.



this must really be love.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

all too human

last night i re-discovered my humanity.

i must admit, i came to a point where i don't know what to do anymore. the great wall that i was able to build through the years came crashing down leaving my inner self exposed to elements i once thought i got rid of. i did not want to acknowledge this fact but it seems that the guy has really made a great impact on me, more than i have ever imagined, more than i have ever allowed for anyone who crossed my territories. every bit of self-confidence was lost and all that's left is the inner hope that in spite of what happened, things will eventually be alright.

and so i cried. i cried until my voice shattered, hoping that all the words that came out breaks along with it. i cried until no more tears fell, hoping that each drop will wash away all my pains. i cried until i fell asleep, hoping to wake up and realize that it's all a bad dream. hope, indeed, is what i'm holding on at the moment, dim as it may be.

my fortress fell; my sword, my shield, my armor, no more. i was defeated and the painful truth hit me again and again.

that cynic as i am, i am still all too human -

capable of feeling,

capable of pain.

blind item | no wonder

disclaimer: ang taong involved ay hindi pinangalanan pero ayos lang mag-react. pwedeng magalit pero ang magagalit ay pikon. at guilty.


umabot na sa buong pilipinas at ibayong-dagat ang kasikatan ng blogger na 'to. kasi naman, ang mga press releases, nakakaloka. kinabog ang mga reyna. at take note, pa-mhin-ta ang drama kahit pa namumukadkad na parang mabangong gumamela. ay teka, wala palang amoy ang gumamela!

in furness, sa unang tingin papasa namang straight ang lola pero kapag nag-beach na, pekpek shorts pala ang feel nya. talbog tuloy ang mga friendships nyang kinulang sa ganda. kaya wala na silang nagawa pa kundi kumanta na lang - "i want nobody, nobody, but you!".

sino sya?

quiet na lang ako. mainit e. hmpf, makapag-shades nga!

yun na!


- posted using blogpress from my iphone

Sunday, May 2, 2010

month-end | the birth month

april turned out to be the most expensive month ever. nakakaloka. gusto kong ibangag ang ulo ko sa dingding.

sinabi ko na lang sa sarili ko, this is gonna be the last time. enough of the shameless overspending. baka akala ng mga tao e kung gaano na ako kalaking kumita when in fact, magastos lang talaga ko. resolution ko pa naman this year ay tipid, tipid at tipid pa. ugh.

buti na lang at nairaos din ang birthday kahit paano. at naipakilala pa ang partner sa mga kaibigan. it's a good start, i think. what happens next, bahala na si batman. alam niyo naman ako, fatalistic.

sa maniwala kayo't sa hindi, lasing pa ko habang sinusulat ito. i just came from a night-out and headed straight to work. hayan tuloy, umiikot pa ang paningin at masama ang sikmura. oh well, talagang ganyan ang buhay ko. anyway, it's my choice naman kaya bawal ang magreklamo. buti na lang sunday ulit kaya walang mga bosses.

kupal na kung kupal, itutulog ko muna 'to. wish ko lang 'wag mahuli.