Monday, November 19, 2012

it was perfect

I was driving home last night when this song blared through Zoom's speakers.

My idea of a perfect Christmas
Is to spend it with you
In a party or dinner for two
Anywhere would do

Celebrating the yuletide season
Always lights up our lives
Simple pleasures are made special too
When they're shared with you

O e di ako na ang nag-emo bigla.

I suddenly remembered Christmas of 2011. Yeah, we were together having dinner at this simple restaurant overlooking the city.

It was, indeed, perfect while it lasted.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

what happens next

Today would have been our third anniversary.

And while we have been apart for more than three months already, I can't help but stop for a while and reminisce the love we shared in the past and, probably, think about the "what could have beens" of the future.
I must admit, forgiving you was no mean feat. For I have been true to you - I have shown you the best and worst of me - hoping that by being honest, loyal and true, we will be together until the best and worst of times pass us by. I loved you deeply, perhaps the deepest I have loved.
But I guess that is not enough. And that forever is only wishful thinking.
I remember the broken promises.
I remember the unexplainable situations. And how the simple truth uncovered the unexplained.
Perhaps, I was just too blind to see. Or too blind to accept what's in front of me all along.
Trust, maybe? Or was it fear?
Then again, the answer is not important anymore. Because when I decided to end our relationship, I also decided that there was no more turning back.
Pride? It could be.
After all, I was very much willing to face the consequences of my decision. Come what may.
Yes, there are nights I cry myself to sleep.
But I wake up in the morning loving myself more and more.
So here I am writing this entry today, on what could have been our third anniversary. I could have been in a very difficult situation like before. But I chose to be in the right path.
I chose to be the better person.
And I guess, it's time to ponder again.
What happens next?

Sunday, August 12, 2012

In your shoes

This must be how you felt back then.

Now I realize that in love, time is not of the essence.

It is in how you love deeply, honestly, truly.

And I am deeply, honestly, truly sorry.

Friday, July 27, 2012


"Pwede ba kitang mayakap?", tanong mo na may halong alinlangan.

Halos madurog ang puso ko ng yakapin kita at magsimula kang humagulgol. Ilang sandali pa ay hindi ko na rin napigilan ang masaganang pagdaloy ng luha sa aking mga mata.

At doon sa maliit na espasyong nagkukubli ng ating mga kahinaan, ibinuhos natin ang nilalaman ng ating mga damdamin. Walang mga salita pero sapat na ang katahimikan para maunawaan natin ang isa't isa.

Mahal na mahal kita pero higit pa rito ang sakit na idinulot mo. Mapapatawad kita pero ang lahat ng bagay ay magpapaalala sa akin ng tatlong taong puno ng kasinungalingan. Hindi madaling kalimutan ang nakaraan pero kakayanin ko, para sa ikatatahimik nating dalawa.

Jason, marahil sa mga oras na 'to ay binabasa mo ang mensahe kong ito. Nawa'y makita mo ang kaligayahang hindi ko naibigay sa 'yo.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

On my mind, inside the bus, one rainy afternoon

Baguio is such a nice and romantic place... to get your heart broken.


Karma is really such a bitch. Imagine making me suffer for almost three years.


I don't know what is true anymore. It seems every memory is tarnished already.


Funny. I know I can move on from this but I don't know where to start.


What's even more funny is that I actually cried.


Is he worthy of another chance?


It was not a perfect relationship but it works for us. Or so i thought.


Too much thinking. Sakit sa ulo!

Sunday, April 22, 2012

breaking: earth day

nakakaloka naman ang bagong interface ng blogspot!

heniwey, 'di ko pa rin natatapos ang aking marathon entry eklavu sa kadahilanang ako'y tinatamad kaya pansamantala e itong breaking news muna.

earth day ko ngayon!

at dahil busy-ness sa trabaho lately ay wala akong kaplano-plano for this day. buti na lang off namin ng jowa today kaya heto, mega-check-in na lang sa isang bonggang hotel in the city.

nope, hindi po ito ang hotel ni imsonotconio bilang ayaw naman akong bigyan ng discount ng bruha. tsarlot!

kaya for one night, magpapagulong-gulong na lang kami sa aming king-sized bed

i-eenjoy ang luxurious banyo

at magbababad sa bath tub.

homaygad, i'm three decades old na. haylavet!

ps. just for tonight, kailangan ulit naman ng bottom! tsarlot!

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

The Road to the 42nd Kilometer

This entry is long overdue.

You see, I ran my first 42K last March 18. That's two weeks from today and, already, there have been countless entries from other runners detailing their journeys. I, on the other hand, am still basking in the glory of my newfound experience though admittedly, I did try to write mine since Day One.

In the same light, my first marathon, just like this post, is also long overdue.

I joined the running community in the last quarter of 2009 when i debuted at the Botak Paa-bilisan five-kilometer race. I remember placing 61st out of 600 runners. It was a particularly enjoyable experience that I decided to continue the habit. Of course, just like every running enthusiast, I have one ultimate goal in mind - to run a full marathon.

Normally, a runner would plan to do his full marathon within a year or two. I, on the other hand, opted to enjoy every available distance on the road, well, except 3K. I was able to run five 10-kilometer races resulting to a personal record of 54 minutes at the Globe Run for Home in 2010. I also did a couple of 15Ks and 10-milers before transitioning to half marathon.

Now, the half-mary is a different experience altogether. I debuted at the Unilab Run United 2 back in 2010 and detailed the experience here. It was a hard and humbling experience and despite the blood, sweat and tears, I knew there's no other option for me but to move on.

And I did. That race was a test of threshold but I was able to follow it up with eight more 21Ks in the next year and a half. I even went abroad for the Singapore Marathon. As far as my pocket can afford, that's what I said to myself.

Then came November of 2011 when I joined the 32-kilometer category of Unilab Run United 3. During the race, it came to a point where I was asking myself why I was running in the first place. Looking at the faces of every runner on the road, I knew we were all thinking of the same thing. There are some who run for charity. There are others who run for family. There are a few who run to win. Me? I don't share their passion. I'm running because I just want to. Because it's something I'm good at. Because it's something I enjoy doing. And because I love the feeling of crossing the finish line - that immense joy brought about by being able to achieve a goal that some may consider trivial.

And with that realization, I knew I was ready to finally start my journey to the 42nd kilometer.

to be continued.

Friday, March 16, 2012

ready to run

i'd like to think that i'm really serious with my full marathon this coming sunday. in fact, early morning runs have been a part of my busy schedule.

pero dahil hindi nga kasi ko straight, i had some "serious" problems that an ordinary runner wouldn't normally have. these include, and i think one of, if not, the most important is

looking really good as i cross the finish line. charaught!

heniwey, here are my essentials on race day.

a. adidas king of the road singlet - tough choice, really, because i would have wanted to use my singapore marathon singlet. unfortunately, nagamit ko pala sa training run at nasa hamper pa rin.

b. the north face flight series "pututoy" short

c. cep compression socks

d. adidas visors

e. nathan two-bottle hydration belt

f. my dream marathon race bib

at syempre, my running shoes. hindi ko nga lang pwedeng ipatong sa bed ko.

at this point, i believe my body is ready for the beating. i just have to condition my mind. 'yun pala ang pinakamahirap.

but this is it. wala ng atrasan.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

the carpenter's son

This was yesterday's source of inspiration.

A carpenter's son finishes valedictorian of PMA's Bagwis Class of 2012. Despite his family's financial hardships and an ailing mother who succumbed to death last year, Tom Puertollano rose above it all. Indeed, the honor is most deserved for the son who went to the Academy just so that his education will not be an added burden to his family.

Here is one person who showed us that being poor is not an excuse. Opportunities abound. We just have to grab it and give our best.

And cute siya, in fairness!

Friday, February 24, 2012

a belated reply

it was december of 2010 when you sent me the letter. and since i don't want to break my holiday mood, i decided not to read it.

i remember a few days ago before that when a common blogger friend invited us, among others, to hang-out in this posh hotel in singapore, i purposely did not come. i see no reason staying inside a room with you in it.

because you were not my friend, at least not anymore.

now, in hindsight, i realized that, yeah, i did react badly towards you. i let loose and blamed you for everything. i should have understood you better then. i should have understood that people will not always react to situations the way i wanted them to.

reading your letter now and knowing (finally) your side, i couldn't help but think how different things would have become had i not told you one of my darker secrets. it was a test of true friendship, and sadly, we both failed.

i was not fair to you and for that, i apologize.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012


recently, jason and i have been fighting more than the usual. i'm not sure who became more sensitive between the two of us or maybe, there are just more situations happening wherein we are pushing our conflicting views.

whatever the reason may be, i just hope that these petty quarrels remain just that - petty. i'd like to believe that we grew together in this relationship and situations such as this will never tear us down.

after all, wedding bells will soon be heard. and with that we start a different journey anew.

Friday, February 17, 2012

we're still here

Whoa, it's past the middle of February already! Now where did all that time go?

To those who might be wondering what in the world happened to me, well, Jason and I has just got back from our short trip to Boracay. Korek, kami na ang nag-celebrate ng Valentine's sa beach!

We were both busy during the past months, lalo na ako, because of my recent major project at work which, thankfully, is already up and running two days before the trip. Kaya naman breather sa aming dalawa 'to.

Kaso naman, inulan kami ng bongga!

Anyhow, enjoy pa rin naman since Boracay, this early, is already teeming with gorgeous people. Ang saya lang!

Ang daming check!

Ang daming pasado sa Johnstan-Jason Scale!

May pabaon pa dahil 'nung pauwi na, we saw the hottest flight attendant ever. Susko, ang sarap-sarap talaga. Buti na lang at may name tag ang mga FAs sa PAL. Kuhang-kuha!

Kaya heto, stalker-mode muna. Kalowka!


On a different note, de-activated currently ang Twitter account ng John Stan. May nilandi kasi ko doon. Eh follower ko nga pala ang asawa ko kaya ayun, buking! I'll be coming back soon though. See yah all!

Monday, January 30, 2012

the filipino is [not really] a dancing crowd

at least that's what i deduced from last night's performance.

i read somewhere that in almost, if not, all the runs of the hit musicale mamma mia!, the crowd gets on their feet during the finale song - dancing queen. last night, however, only a few among the filipino audience, myself included, got on our feet and danced to the beat.

it was a different story though when it comes to the singing part. whenever the characters burst into a song, expect some members of the audience to sing along. i guess it's the abba effect.

or maybe we're just more into singing.

anyway, i won't be posting any review about mamma mia! i leave that to the likes of "the" gibbs cadiz - an authority when it comes to arts and culture. i'm sure he's got something to say.

the musical runs until february 19 at the ccp main theater. if you're into such, or maybe just a little curious, i'm sure you'll have lots of fun. jason and i did.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

hush little baby | part 3

"believe that everything will be alright. this is a blessing."

jason: bakit blessing? ano 'yun?

john stan: baby ni (friend's name).

jason: bakit? aampunin mo?

john stan: hindi. sabi ko lang blessing 'yun.

jason: ah. akala ko pakakasalan mo siya, sungalngalin kita!

in a few months, i am expecting another godson/goddaughter.

yes, she's keeping the baby.

Friday, January 13, 2012

hush little baby | part 2

i don't want her having an abortion. that for me is not open to discussion. however, at the end of the day, that's not my decision to make.

and my friend is seriously considering it.

"tanggap mo pa rin ba ako kahit gaga ako?"

"if there's one friend who will understand you, ako 'yun."

i decided to come over to her house right then. i felt that she needed me at that very moment; needed me more than i could possibly imagine.

i found her on her bed, a few pieces of misoprostol scattered around.

"i can't take it. i'm afraid."

"then don't."

"anong gagawin ko? nahihiya ako."

"tell your family. siguro magagalit sila, magdadamdam. pero sa umpisa lang 'yan. they will understand. they have to understand."

"paano si (boyfriend's name)?"

"tell him. you owe it to him."

"iiwanan niya ko."

"hindi mo siya masisisi."

to be continued

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

hush little baby | part 1

it all started exactly a week ago.

"john stan, i am pregnant..."

just then, the world came crashing down.

to say that i am surprised would be an understatement. i know there's nothing wrong with having a baby but this one in particular entails a lot of consequences.

"not with my boyfriend. this is from another guy."

" i need your help. i can't have this baby."

to be continued

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

more fun, indeed!

one old picture, photoshop, and some wit - there, my own personal #itsmorefuninthephilippines meme.

and yes, creating it is part of the fun, too.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

welcoming 2012

i slept early last night but amazingly woke up one year after.

as expected, i woke up right after midnight; 12:04 to be precise. it was jason calling to greet me a happy new year. sweet! he called me again later in the morning to tell me that his sisters are looking for me at their celebration. aww, sweeter!

i'm part of the family already!

and speaking of family, mom and dad also called me up at around 12:30. they told me they're having some barbecue, pasta and ham for media noche. i told them i only have a huge bowl of steaming hot lucky me instant seafood noodles... and lots and lots of money.

charaught lang!

i turned the television on and saw that tangled is shown in star movies. deciding to watch, i opened my fridge to get a box of ferrero rochers. while watching, i logged on to facebook and posted a message to my fans.

noticing an "interesting" link, i found myself browsing thai porn. some hot action ensued.

looking back at the television, i saw the credits rolling.

damn tangled, i missed you again!